Monday, March 10, 2014

Nine


Without making a big deal about it, I make damn sure to hold onto the physical connection with Dane. The more experience he has with my touch, the easier it will be for him to accept it—and eventually yearn for it. While I continue peppering him with questions, I brush my thumb back and forth along his index finger. My grip is light so that he can easily escape, but I push him just a little bit further by lifting the heel of my hand to his, sliding skin against skin, making the most of this joining.

“You mentioned something intriguing in your first email, Dane, that you were unable to take advantage of my offer to pleasure yourself. I see that echoed in your checklist. I’d like to learn more about why.”

I’m pleased that he doesn’t retract his hand, but he does turn his face away from me. I wait, softly sending him the message with the rhythmic stroking of my thumb that I understand what I’m asking is difficult.

Dane’s thoughts seem to have traveled to a dark place. That’s okay. I’m not scared to be there with him as long as he knows I’m here to bring him back.

“Dane.”

He turns his head at my gentle address.

“We all have our limits, and we all have our kinks. I’m a big believer in consensual play; I don’t judge what works for two people in a relationship. That’s why I needed to see your checklist. If you truly get off on chastity—I mean complete abstinence—I have a tough dilemma on my hands. Is that what we’re talking about here?”

He pulls his lower lip between his teeth again—his tell. “No, Sir. How do I say this? I know it wasn’t for me to expect . . . release . . . and I truly accepted Master’s authority without resentment, I promise you. But I always hoped Master would desire to please me for serving him well. Is that wrong? Does that make me a bad sub?”

More words spill in this one answer than his entire visit combined. He’s deeply pained, begging for understanding and absolution. My grip tightens on his hand. It’s so inadequate, so much less than I crave, so much less than he needs.

“No, Dane. I’m just sorry that you’re confused now about what really gives you pleasure.”

“I’m not sure anything does.”

“This master made you feel that your pleasure was undesirable.”

Dane’s lips twisted into a grotesque smile a thousand times worse than his tears. “You might say that, Sir.”

Murderous thoughts blacken my mood. You don’t get to be angry; he needs you.

“Were you with this master for a long time?” One moment was too long.

Sadness overtakes him, and my heart is shredded again. “Yes, Sir. Four years.”

Four.

Years.

Four years of servitude to a monster. It’s a wonder the boy stands, let alone dances. Though I do my best to mask my emotions, tears sting the back of my eyes. Four years this boy gave to an unworthy piece of shit who stole the title “master.”

It takes me a long moment to gather myself and respond without spitting anger into every syllable. I feel Dane’s heart waiting in limbo for my judgment, which I deliver in no uncertain terms.

“For the record, Dane, I vehemently disagree with your previous . . . ‘master.’” I hate affording the label to such an undeserving scumbag, but it would be how Dane understands him.

“But, Sir . . .” he starts before catching himself, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Speak your mind, Dane.” My fingertips brush across his knuckles, transmitting my support.

“Do I not exist for my master’s pleasure?”

Submission 101. “As I exist to fulfill my submissive.”

“Sir?” His genuine confusion shakes me.

“Dane, if you choose me as your master, I will make your needs mine. I will assume responsibility for your well-being on every level—emotional as well as physical. These aren’t just words to me; they’re a way of life. I will not take one ounce of pleasure in any act that denies your best, most fulfilled self. Take a drink, boy. You look like you might pass out.”

He obeys. Of course he does. Giving his hand a light squeeze, I draw his attention back to our conversation. “Don’t worry; I love edge play. I know when to fulfill my sub by denying him.” I toss him a wink, and he finally cracks a smile. Thank God.

“How long has it been since you left this master?”

“Seven months, eight days . . .”

If he quotes hours . . .

“. . . three hours.”

And I am wrecked. After all the abuse he’s suffered at the hands of this sadistic egomaniac, Dane counts hours and mourns the death of their bond. I’m doing a jig for whatever force of man or nature got him out of there and into Sean’s shelter. The emotional rubble will need digging through, for sure, but I can’t delve into this topic with him now. We’ll have at it when it’s appropriate, when he trusts me to keep him safe—hell, when he has some concept of what safe even means. There are some details I do need now, though.

“How long did he deny you?”

This is miserable stuff, and poor Dane is squirming in his seat and blushing bright pink. “Five weeks was the longest.”

Steady, Marcus.

“But he took care of me in between,” Dane adds. Of course he would defend the man. “You know.”

“Yes.” 

Milking. A fine punishment—physical release without orgasm—but no way to treat a sub who doesn’t desire or deserve it.  

“Dane, how long has it been since your last orgasm?”       

Hot shame reddens his face. He looks down for a second, then meets my eye. Progress. “It had been a week, and then . . . the night I met you . . . while I was sleeping . . . I can’t help it sometimes.”

Christ. The thrill I might have enjoyed from his admission is squashed by his terrible guilt. I can’t erase his pain—not yet—but I do have something to offer him in return.

I clear my throat, and he tilts his head in question. “I, uh . . .” Jesus, am I about to confess to jerking off on his account? “I enjoyed meeting you too.” His eyes widen, not sure if he’s just heard what I haven’t quite said. I can’t leave him in limbo, so with a little cough, I add, “Three times.”

He smiles so hard, it crinkles his eyes around the edges. “Three? All in one night?”

I collapse onto the table, shaking my head against my folded arm while our joined hands roll and slide with our laughter. I haven’t felt this young in a long time. Peeking up at him, I ask, “You’re going to kill me, aren’t you, Dane?”

“I hope not, Sir. I’d much prefer to serve you.”



Me too! I mean, er, I'd much prefer Dane to serve you. 

Thank you for sharing your hearts with my characters and with me. To my new readers, first time slash readers, or first time reviewers, thank you for stepping out of your comfort zone. That is truly a profound gift.

44 comments:

  1. I just can't believe that someone could be so careless with another person's heart and soul (and body!). FOUR YEARS?!?!?!

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  2. I'm sure I'm in the majority when I say I want to find this other....ASSHAT...and twist his balls off AFTER smashing them with a meat tenderizer. *looks around...hears crickets* Too much? *shrugs* Meh. He'd deserve it.

    Marcus is a creative man so I know he'll find plenty of ways to help Dane along. My guess is slow and steady will win this race. *sigh* His care with something as small as his hand is so amazingly sweet. Even his admission to himself that being angry at the other man isn't going to help Dane in this very moment is huge, though I doubt it's huge for Marcus. He is the type of man to always think along those lines.

    Dane showed a lot of bravery and wore his pain admirably in this chapter. Having a "master" who was little more than a dude with a control complex has really messed him up. I can't wait to watch him blossom with Marcus. I'm sure it won't always be sunshine, roses, and unicorns with rainbows but even the painful bits will be wonderful.

    Favorite line... It’s so inadequate, so much less than I crave, so much less than he needs. ... There were so many lines to choose from but this one hit me in the gut the moment I read it. It says so much in so very few words.

    xoxo
    V

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    1. BAHAHA SO VERY GRAPHIC, V!
      You are right about Marcus. He is so attuned to the needs of his subs in general (and perhaps this particular one even more so?) that putting Dane's interests is second nature to him.

      Thank you, as always, for your sweet, thoughtful words. <3

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  3. Slow and steady wins the race and we are only at the beginning, the anticipation for each chapter is almost too much.

    Thank you

    Jarvis

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  4. I have really never read any slash stories before. I didn't think it would be something I would like. I have loved everything that you have written, so I thought I would give this one a try. I have to say, to my amazement, I really do love this story. My heart goes out to Dane. I really hope Marcus can help him heal. Thank you for writing.
    Lisa...Gail Cullen

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    1. That's the biggest compliment ever! Thank you so much for this, Lisa. I cannot wait to hear your impressions as we go. What I've learned here in fanficland is anything goes- love is love is love, especially when planets and kinks align. Thank you for your trust.
      xo

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  5. I have a feeling that somewhere in this story Marcus is going to confront this "master" and I look forward to it.

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  6. Oh, how I love Marcus brushing his thumb over Dane's hand. It's the little things, ya know? *sigh* he knows just what Dane can take right now.

    "Dane’s thoughts seem to have traveled to a dark place. That’s okay. I’m not scared to be there with him as long as he knows I’m here to bring him back." *swoons* I have complete faith in Marcus's ability to bring Dane back from his dark places.

    My heart aches to hear how insecure Dane was in his submission to his previous 'master.' I totally understand what he hoped for because I feel that's how good D/s should be. The submissive has a desire to serve the dominant, and the dominant has a desire to command that respect from the submissive. And as human beings, both dom and sub have a desire for their own pleasure. If things go well, both experience pleasure- the sub by serving, the dom by commanding, AND by both of them knowing that they had a part in the other person achieving their desires. :)

    Oh god, he's been counting the hours. Poor, poor Dane. He's mourning the loss of such an abusive "master" because that is all he knows. (Hmm, IS that all he knows in the D/s world?? ) He seems to have gotten something out of this relationship but at what cost?

    And of course, the light hearted moment at the end was lovely. Just what their conversation needed at that moment. :)

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    1. You know me, Dig. I'm always going to look for the tiniest detail possible to express that big emotion! You nailed the dom/sub dynamic. :) I think your assumption would have to be right, because if Dane had ever known something good, would he ever settled for what he did? I know. I want to hug him too.

      Thank you, and you know why.

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  7. I am truly enjoying every word of this tale--from the beginnings of OUaD to each word of Marcus'. Despite knowing very little of Dane, your masterful use of words has me under the same spell as Marcus. I crave more . . . more knowledge, more touches, more freedom for Dane.

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    1. That is so lovely. Thank you very much, Shanda!

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  8. all those who want to kick previous "master" arse...line forms behind me! I cannot wait for the moment when it clicks into Danes brain the difference between Marcus (a Master of worth) and the ... cannot think of an epithet strong enough for him. I am hoping Marcus's sense of humor helps Dane realize that he can have fun with this too.

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    1. I love your reaction to the chapter!
      *biting lip hard not to spill beans*
      xo

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  9. The animal (I will not refer to him as a man or master) who abused Dane should have it done to himself. Dane, himself, doesn't even know what his own pleasurs are. I cannot wait for not only Marcus to learn them but to see Dane discover them as well.

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  10. I love that Marcus is gentle, slow, soft, careful, and so very attuned to Dane. They will be perfect together, I have no doubt. Although, Dane might slowly kill Marcus along the way. =)

    And I expect nothing less than perfection from Marcus after he trained and fell in love with an unattainable Edward...who, in turn, enjoyed his Master's touch.

    I can't wait to see Dane's beautiful transformation from being unworthy to loved.

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    1. LOL on the Marcus slow death!
      I love how you summarized Marcus's time with Edward. Perfect.
      Ahhh, nice prediction. Thank you.

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  11. Gaaaaahhhhhhh!!!! I looooove the ending! Sooo many smiles!!!

    THIS!!! vvvvvv
    “Dane, if you choose me as your master, I will make your needs mine. I will assume responsibility for your well-being on every level—emotional as well as physical. These aren’t just words to me; they’re a way of life. I will not take one ounce of pleasure in any act that denies your best, most fulfilled self. Take a drink, boy. You look like you might pass out.”

    Is just another reason why I adore Marcus! That and because he wants to rip that bastard "master"'s head off, just like I do! Ugggghhhh!

    Ok, back to happy! Squeeeeeee! Dane smiled!!!
    xoxoxo ❤️

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    1. I think I got a posse now to go find the bad guy! Thank you for letting me know what you liked in the chapter. And yay for the happy!

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  12. Oh, my heart is breaking for Dane-- He is so emotionally scarred. He now will have a Dom who will help him realize his potential, who will mend his heart, who will help him truly be the submissive he was born to be. Marcus, you're SO good at this... and you're hot. Yum! I'm loving the jealous side of him. So protective. He's fallen real hard. Lol. And I loved the sweet revelations at the end.. :) So sad that Dane was counting those hours, though. I want to rip apart that bastard, too. That ass totally misused and abused something that should be so special between Dom and sub. Got my fingers crossed that Marcus can get through to Dane that he has only good intentions and that they would be so good for, to, and with each other.
    Great chapter, b. Always. Love, Ellie xo

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    1. YES, Marcus has all of Dane's best interests at heart. And you noticed that he's fallen hard...already? OH MY GOODNESS>
      xoxo

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  13. oh that old master of Dane's didn't deserve the moniker. Poor boy - so glad he got out of that situation. I loved the end there - after their heavy conversation the lightness between them. Beautiful x

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  14. I laughed out loud when I read that Marcus told Dane that he enjoyed "meeting" him too...3 times! That was simply priceless.

    Poor Dane. What a craptastic former master he must have had. One that certainly didn't deserve him and didn't serve him well. Not that I know a bunch about all of this. I mean, all I know is what I have learned from reading fanfic but still. You don't have to be a genius to figure out that Dane was not served well. At all. Bless his heart. Well, no worries. Marcus to the rescue!!

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    1. abuse is abuse, no matter the arrangement. Thanks, Keye!

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  15. Sounds more like a ma$$ter than a true Master. I just found a facebook post on this story! I thought I had subscribed, but, *shrugs* apparently not. I just dealt with my confirmation email, so I guess I'm good now. As you know, I won't always comment (here on the blog), but you definitely have me thinking. My heart goes out to Dane.

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  16. God help that monster if Marcus ever has the occasion to meet him.....I'm standing up now and cheering for Dane!

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  17. So I'm CERTAIN Marcus is going to find out who is responsible for this. I'm calling him "little d"... little dick, lowest douche, ... and the obvious lowercase with d disrespect. I'm sure I'll come up with more.

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  18. Our introduction with asshat master. Gah I just want to slap that shit out of that douche!

    And that visual of Marcus confessing how pleased he was to meet Dane and then hiding his head in his arms on the table. It was the perfect way to bring us back to what is important - their connection, not the atrocities of Dane's previous dom. ♡♡

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  19. Oh god... this chapter killed me. I want to kill that selfish, egotistical, manic bastard who abused Dean like that for so many years. I mean for someone to take that level of respect and trust and take advantage of it so readily for HIS own pleasure alone. How can he even call himself a 'master/dom'? Ugh that makes me so angry. When people find comfort in other people's hurt. Fucking douchebag!

    Anyway it may be more work for Marcus, but I like that he will be the one to show Dane what a real Master is like and exactly how the relationship goes both ways. Its just as much the dom's responsibility to be attuned to and cater to the needs of his submissive as it is the sub's job to cater to his master's desires and pleasures. Marcus will show him. Thank God, Marcus will bring him back.

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  20. omg, four years?!! my god i was shaking while reading this. both in anger and sadness. my heart was racing, probably like dane's was. he's so worried about tattling on his so-called master, betraying him. god, i whole-heartily agree with every thought marcus had! that piece of shit is not worthy of any title, let alone the title of master. how unfortunate that such a willing and studious sub happened to fall into this creatures life. god, that's just plain abuse.

    poor dane doesn't seem to realize that he is the one with the power, that it works for both involved. or at least that notion was stripped away early on. his relationship with marcus will be a huge eye opener. so happy to see them holding hands and laughing!

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    1. Yeah, definitely abuse. Poor Dane, but now he's in excellent hands. Fear not!
      xxx

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  21. My heart is breaking for Dane, so many misconceptions... But he finally has someone that will show him the right way to do things, not like his so-called previous master.

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    1. Yeah, I know this story has a lot of pain inside, but love will conquer all!
      Thanks for the comments, Rita!

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