Friday, April 11, 2014

Thirty-six

“Time for a little redecorating,” I tell Dane. “Let’s take advantage of that sun streaming in, shall we?”

“Whatever you say, Master,” he says agreeably.

“Yes, there is that.” We’re both grinning as we slide the small round table to the window and make a return trip for our chairs. “Here. Sit.” Dane obliges, scooting his chair in while I step behind him and place my hands on his shoulders. I’ve grown rather fond of his dance tanks, and today’s choice—black and snug—has just been voted the unofficial winner.

“Eat. I got you some fresh berries.”

“Thank you, Master.” Dane smirks while he diligently loads up his spoon with yogurt, granola, and one of each type of berry—all to appease me.

It works.

It’s not easy pulling my hands off him, but the boy must eat. I take my seat across the table, leaning back, folding my arms, and stretching my legs to encircle his ankles. His eyebrows lift, but his spoon doesn’t stop for more than a split second.

That’s right, Dane. You’re mine.

There’s a bit of a twinkle in his eye as he says, “The sun feels good on my arms.”

Such a tease, causing his Master to imagine the taste of sun-kissed skin.

My gaze follows the sunbeam lighting up his exposed arms and shoulders. “Looks good on you, too.” Funny, I can have him any which way I choose, but this modest sliver of heated skin raises a rapid, ramrod erection.

I want him, and I’ll have him before we part ways this morning, but I need to make another attempt at culling out his issues while the nightmare is still fresh. It’s always a risk—Do I trade his good mood and this perfect ease between us for the chance to make real progress?—but the responsible part of me knows what I have to do.

“I’d like to talk about last night.”

If it’s difficult for him not to roll his eyes or groan, I’d never know from his measured response. “As you wish.”

“What can you tell me about your nightmare?”

The ball is in his court. Dane sets his spoon down onto the saucer and pulls the napkin to his lips. Stalling perhaps, but not refusing. Not safe wording. I can wait.

His eyes lift to mine. “It wasn’t you, you know.”

“I know, Dane.” Though I’m not letting myself entirely off the hook, because what I said to him clearly triggered something unpleasant.

“Okay, good.” His hands disappear into his lap, where I imagine they tug and twist, searching for comfort. “It was a scene we did . . . about a month before he . . .”

Dumped you. Fuck.

“Anyway, I’d been kind of a wimp the time before, and Master was working on my pain tolerance.”

My jaw tightens with unbearable tension as my teeth gnash together in rage. If I didn’t need to hear this dream, I’d rip apart every single fallacy as it escaped his lips.

“Master was adding another weight to the chain . . .” Dane’s gaze drifts to the window, and his mouth twists into an awful grimace. “I was in a lot of pain, but I was trying . . .”

My fists press into tight balls beneath my arms. I am so close to losing it.

“I dropped my . . .toy . . .” Dane tears up with remembered humiliation.

Fucking hell! I’m dying for him.

“. . . And I tried ‘no’ multiple times, but Master didn’t—”

“Jesus Christ, Dane!”

I’ve had enough. I’ve had far too much, actually, as has the beautiful man falling to pieces across from me. I’m out of my chair in a shot, pulling Dane to his feet and wrapping him in the security of my arms. “What that monster did to you! That was not consensual domination; it was the definition of abuse! Thank God you got away from him!”

My tears reach Dane’s cheeks as his own leave wide, wet splotches on my t-shirt.

“I’m sorry, Master,” he says through his sniffles, “I was doing better for a while.”

“It’s my fault, Dane.” I flatten my palm and rub firm circles against his back as the guilt engulfs me. “I triggered this last night.”

Dane does me the great honor of not minimizing my role, not trying to assuage my conscience. My thoughts are spinning back handsprings, analyzing every word and grasping for the right thing to say—which is the exact moment I realize I might just be in over my head here.

“When you were doing better, Dane, were you getting help?”

He tenses, but my arms draw out the truth as surely as Wonder Woman’s golden lasso. “Yes, there was a guy, a doc at the shelter who helped me through.”

“And when did you last see him?”

“I don’t know, maybe three or four months ago. I was fine; the nightmares stopped, and I wasn’t feeling so paralyzed. I’d had a few auditions, even gotten a bit role. He said I was good to go.”

Good to go is no expert’s conclusion. Dane heard what he wanted to hear. I pull back and tip up his tear-stained face with my hand at his chin. “Did he also tell you to come back and see him if there were any recurring issues?”

His grimace answers for him.

“Dane, it only makes sense that once you start scening again, things are bound to resurface. I’d like you to check in with the doctor again, just to be sure we’re on the right track.”

His mouth turns down into an angry frown, and he spins away from my fingers. It’s the first hint of opposition I’ve seen from Dane since we met. I tamp down my dom voice for now because nobody ever made any progress in therapy because someone ordered him to go.

There’s one surefire way to get through to Dane. It’s worked every time, and if it costs me any credibility with him to show him I’m vulnerable, it’s a price I’m willing to pay. Every damn time.

“Look, maybe one nightmare isn’t necessarily anything to worry about. It sucks that I have to push you on this, but as your Master, I’m responsible for your well-being, and I just don’t feel confident at this point that I’m able to give you everything you need.”

He spits back, “How can you not be everything I need?” his childlike faith stained by the sting of betrayal.

“Dane, what kind of an asshole would I be if I didn’t insist on you getting the best care? Look what happened here last night. I’m walking blind through a minefield and praying I don’t step on a live shell. I’m sorry, but I’m just not that good.”

The look he gives me breaks my heart, but it’s the damn truth. Finally, he turns away, entirely defeated.

“Fine, I’ll call him,” he agrees, “for you, but with all due respect, I don’t think one nightmare is an issue.”

“Noted, and thank you.”

“And also, I know you wouldn’t hurt me, if that helps.”

“It does—immensely,” I answer, even before his words dissipate. “And you’re right. What you described is nowhere near the kind of pain I meant yesterday.”  My head is shaking like a busted jack-in-the-box, but I can’t seem to stop it.

“Maybe it would help if you could . . . tell me a little about the kind of pain you did mean? Just whatever you think I need to know, I mean,” he hedges.

I consult my watch because this is so not a conversation to start and not finish. “Why don’t you have a seat, Dane?”

He snaps to obey, my compliant submissive once again. I scoot my chair around so our hips meet when I sit down again. I wrap my fingers around his hand and pull it into my lap.

Unlike your previous ‘Master’ . . .” I sneer. “Fuck! You know what, Dane? I’d really like you to stop calling him that. What was the bastard’s name?”

Dane’s jaw drops open, and he sits there for a long few seconds before answering. “Really?”

“Yes, really. He’s no more your Master than Donald Duck. Let’s peel back the damn curtain and take a shit on the Wizard. Come on, Dane, his name?”

The gauntlet floats through the air and drops in his lap. Dane told me last night that referring to me by name is a hard limit for him, and here I go demanding the asshole’s. If he can come through on this—

“Wayne.”

It’s my birthday and Christmas and Mardi Gras all rolled into one. “The guy’s name is Wayne? For real?”

Dane nods, and when I study his face, I can see why he’s not answering with words. He’s about to crack up, big time. This is beautiful.

“Wayne, the wee-willied wannabe. Come on, Dane, say it with me. ‘Wayne, the wee-willied wannabe.’”

His chin tips to his chest as the laughter overtakes him, and while it does, I throw new logs onto the fire. “You don’t have to say anything, Dane, but if Wayne-the-weanie’s winky is smaller than my pinky, knock twice on the table.”

A fresh ripple of hilarity shakes his shoulders as he lifts his fist to the table and raps twice.

“Oh god, I shouldn’t!” he forces out, shaking his head and wiping tears from his eyes.

“Yes, Dane, you really, really should.”

Given permission, he lets go in earnest. I hope he’s remembering some other fully terrible detail of Wayne’s physique—dare I hope for an extra toe or a big, hairy mole on his chin?—but I don’t have the heart to make him divulge another out loud. I won’t be there later to reassure Dane if his training kicks in and leaves him feeling guilty. I’m not nearly through with this Wayne character, but Dane has left an important question on the table, and I don’t intend to let the asshole rob me of the chance to answer my submissive.

“As I was saying before Wayne interrupted,” I begin, waiting for Dane’s laughing fit to die down, “the pain I would have you experience is more sensation for the sake of intensifying your response—not true pain inflicted because I get off on it—which, by the way, I really don’t.”

His head whips around. “You don’t?”

“Let me put it this way. If you happened to get a real high off a good striping, I would certainly deliver it with gusto. I would get worked up because you were, not because there’s something about beating people up that inherently rocks my world. Make sense?”

“I guess.” He shrugs.

“Dane, there is nothing that could possibly excite me if you weren’t into it as well. It’s consensual play, not slavery. Have you signed up for the wrong tour of service?”

“No,” he answers, adding a firm head shake. “Not this time.”

“There you go. Now, when I see that you’re ready, I’ll dial it up a notch. For example, I might clamp those gorgeously responsive nipples of yours and watch what happens.”

Dane shifts in his chair, and that telltale pink hue rises from the stem of his neck. And just because he’s so fun to rile, I pull him further into the game. “How does that sound, Dane?”

His lashes flutter while he sucks in a sharp breath. “I’m sure you know best, Master.”

I give his hand a little squeeze. “Well played, boy.”

He looks up shyly then back down to his lap.

“You know, Dane, I think you’d probably feel a whole lot better if I treat you to a sample of what I mean.”

I’m there to meet his inquisitive eyes as he lifts them again. “You mean now?” His question has the sweetest note of anticipatory “make me.”

“I mean right now.”

I can practically hear him swallow as he waits for my next move. If my dick were any harder, it would bust a hole right through my trousers. I really need to get these damn things off, but first things first.

My boy is about to receive his first erotic spanking.




Yup. Hold onto your seat, Digi! ;)

I forgot to mention yesterday that Jayme provided the name for our villain- ask her about him sometime! ;) SEEING SUE TODAY. Wheeeeeeee! Have a good one, everyone! xxx

26 comments:

  1. Poor, poor Dane, I almost wanted to pull a cushion in front of me when he started to talk about his nightmare and I don't even want to think about Wayne not stopping the scene after he dropped the toy and said "no". He will get his comeuppance I'm sure and I will enjoy that in what ever form you decide to give it.

    Poor Marcus for realising that he did trigger the nightmare, it will be a positive move for Dane to see his therapist but I think, perhaps more importantly, for Dane to see what Marcus means about pain because when you are afraid your imagination can be so much worse than the reality. I know Marcus would never hurt him.

    I'm ready for the spanking, Dane will probably be nervous but I think he is going to love it.

    Thank you

    Jarvis
    xx

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    1. Oh Jarvis, thank you for the delicious review. I can only bite my tongue over here so I don't give anything away. xoxox

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  2. Great fucking chapter, Born! Now we're cooking! This was such a looser, more carefree, no that isn't quite right, maybe spontaneous is a better word, chapter!! I love it that dane can laugh at Marcus' merciless and humorous wordplay using that Wayne's name! Ooh, I'm squirming a bit thinking of dane's upcoming erotic spanking....

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    1. Squirm away, Judy Blue. I LOVE IT!
      LOL on the spontaneity...for them, yes. For me...not so much.
      But BOY am I glad it came off that way;
      xoxoxo

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  3. !!!!!!!! asjdfhspfuef! <- that's what the inside of my brain looks like right now. ;)

    I love that little bit Marcus was thinking about how its funny that he can have Dane however he wants but he was getting excited about seeing Dane's sun-drenched arms. Methinks M is gonna lose it when they go out in the city for real! :)

    I thought their conversation was very productive, no matter how painful it was. I feel for both of them- Dane for the pain he has experienced and Marcus for the guilt he's feeling at triggering the nightmare and his feelings of helplessness. I think it was wise for Marcus to request that Dane call the doctor again. It can't hurt.

    I like Marcus's explanation of how he would use pain in a scene- not because it really does anything for him on its own, but more because it is a means to an end.

    And last but not least, you tease! lol. I'm kinda happy you didnt post this chapter this morning because that just would have meant a longer wait until I could get to the spanking! I'm waiting... ;)

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    1. BAHAHA You're welcome! :)
      Throughout this relationship, I think they're both going to be a little surprised at how intimacy comes in the strangest times and feels brand new despite all they've been through together. I think it's what keeps them fresh and new for me, the wonder with which they both continue to view this relationship in all its different incarnations.

      Yeah, as much as Marcus would love to be the end-all, be-all for Dane, I felt it would not be responsible of him, and if there's one thing I would never ask you to admire, it's an irresponsible dom!
      Marcus is truly a chameleon, able to set aside his own absolute kinks to enjoy the relative ones- the ones that get off his specific submissive. In this case, we have that added dimension of really having feelings for Dane. So what DOES Marcus need exactly? Honestly, I don't know if he knows right now.
      Your spanking awaits, Digi. Don't be late tomorrow.
      xoxo

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    2. MY spanking?? LOL I wouldn't dare be late for that! ;)

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  4. More conversation in this chapter... you spoil me so :)
    I want to start by saying that I do indeed think of the characters as their own entities, which is probably a huge testament on how good you writing is, you have given them life of their own. It doesn't always happens, but his story has gotten to that point where the characters have jumped out of the page and refuse to be put away when the chapter is done. In my case they linger beyond the moment and dance around my mind and heart.
    It was great for Marcus to address the nightmare and once again he did it MASTERfully. He always takes Dane's needs into consideration, even when Dane himself doesn't know them himself. I loved how he took away the power Dane's old Master had by striping him of the very much undeserved title and how he always leads Dane towards the light with a firm yet velvet soft hand.
    Dane as usual showed his trust in Marcus and it is a beautiful thing to see how that trust and desire to submit is what is slowly yet ultimately freeing him and giving him back control over his life. He went forward than I though he could by talking about his old Master and by addressing his fears and doubts.
    Sexy times are coming next I guess <3 Just what I need to kick start my two week spring break.
    I hope you have a great weekend, enjoy your traveling.
    I always say this at the end, but I mean it... Thank you for sharing your writing and blessings
    Gigi

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    1. What a huge compliment you have given me, that the characters continue on in your head. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!
      YES to the power stripping. When dreaded Master becomes Wayne...it's pretty hard to regard him the same way! And you really (gorgeously) just described the banner picture. Originally, when I gave Betti some images, there was a tunnel I was trying to place in the background. Marcus is absolutely leading Dane into the light! So happy it feels that way for you.

      I always mean it when I thank you for your beautiful insights as well! :)
      xxx

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  5. The way Marcus is handling the nightmare is amazing. I adore that Wayne is no longer Dane's "master". And by the way I want to let weights hang from Wayne. But, anywho.
    Marcus needs to knows what triggers Dane to react. I'm so glad he told Dane to see the doctor again. All the help Dane can get the better. The fact that Marxus told him he can't do it all himself speaks volumes o his character and personality. ❤️❤️❤️
    Now, onto this spanking! Eeeeee!
    Xoxo

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    1. Wayne couldn't probably hold very much weight off his wee willie winkie! You're so right about Dane's triggers, though let's hope they become few and far between as Marcus eradicates each one at a time. I really struggled with the issue of letting Marcus be Dane's everything vs. not. In the end, you're so right to point out, Marcus will always put Dane (or really any submissive) above his ego. So it was not too difficult to decide! :)
      xx

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  6. We have a name to pick on him with now. Have a feeling some of your more creative readers will come up with some doozys. That trust is starting to work them, I love seeing Dane actually looking excited about something on his soft limit list.

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    1. That name is a la Jayme. I let her pick someone she was feeling frustrated toward! Dane's checklist would look so different right now! :)

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  7. I always enjoy reading everyone else's comments. That's when I almost wish there was a "like" function here. LOL Since I'm behind, luckily I don't have to wait for the next chapter. Onward and upward...

    flutterfli

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  8. omg - wayne? how priceless! hahahaha! it seems that by calling the fool by his given name makes him seem more flawed, no? Loved this conversation after the tough place of last chapter. And yay to Marcus showing his vulnerability for the good of the cause. So well done!

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    1. It makes him more human, that's for sure!
      Absolutely right: Marcus has figured out that by showing his own soft underbelly, Dane can more easily access his own without fear of rejection, so away we go! :)
      xx

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  9. LOL Never liked the name Wayne. It is right up there with Wesley for me. LOL I am ever so curious if Marcus knows or has heard of this Wayne fellow. Not sure that they travel in the same well respected circles if you know what I mean.

    Help from a therapist combined with Marcus own brand of assistance for Dane sounds like a good, positive thing to me!

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    1. LOL Wesley doesn't sound quite as malevolent as Wayne to me. :) Yeah, a good shrink always comes in handy, right?
      xx

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  10. Wonder Woman's Golden Lasso- Yes! , Busted Jack in the Box, "He’s no more your Master than Donald Duck. Let’s peel back the damn curtain and take a shit on the Wizard. " All such great references.

    M has put a name to little d's behavior. The fact that Dane named him and his Napoleon complex was great. Progress! I hope you will share where Wayne came from.

    Now that they have something concrete to compare to I'm hoping Dane can settle down. Again more training on what D/s truly is. And a counselor. Smart move M. It can only rebound well.

    I keep typing Dean instead of Dane, so I'll apologize before I mess it up.

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    1. I can't help it. WW is the goddess of truth forever and always. LOL Austen, I totally suck at hide and seek too, always revealing myself prematurely! ;)

      I agree- the more human and Napoleanic (PERFECT word for "little d") Dane can view Wayne, the more quickly he can heal. Thanks, AD!
      xx

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  11. Wayne! I have been racking my brain the past couple of days trying to remember he-who-must-not-be-named. WAYNE! I get an especially big chuckle from it - as it is the name of a Bassett Hound I know ;-)

    Oh Dane - I as well have tried to short change therapy before. You have a breakthrough and you think "I'm cured". It's also how I take my antibiotics - I don't take them all, only until I'm feeling better. I am such a badass.

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    1. A BASSETT HOUND?? BAHAHA. Jayme is gonna love that. You have to tag her in the picture! Badass? Hmmm. LOL

      But yeah. Who wants to need therapy? :P right?
      xxx

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  12. Can I get a HELL YES TO PROGRESS!!!!

    Goof to see Dane talking and able to open up and share a bit about his past. And we got the bastard's name. I'd say that's a helluva lotta progress. Good on you, Dane.

    Great work from Marcus easing the sour tension off a heavy moment with his wicked sense of humor. Trust me, that was as much to calm himself as it was to calm Dane.

    Ooooo erotic spanking, you say?!? I'm here for it!!!!

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