Friday, April 4, 2014



Dane deserves honesty, but I’m keeping a close watch on his responses. I won’t jeopardize the progress we’ve made tonight. We have all the time in the world for this Name-Your-Ex; I’m confident of that now.

“Will you tell me about him?”

“I will—if you promise to tell me to stop if it’s too much for you.”

He nods solemnly and scoots off my lap into the cushion next to me. Our bodies are angled toward each other and our legs overlap under the blanket, but he’s carved out a separate space for himself.

Healthy, Dane. I approve.

“You want the twitter version or the long, sad tale?”

“Let’s see. . .” Dane turns his wrist, consulting an invisible watch. “Rehearsal starts in fifteen hours.”  We both smile.

“Okay, here goes, but remember your safe word.” I give him a half-strict shake of my index finger.

“Yes, Master,” he replies, that smile still on his lips as he tugs the blanket across his belly and settles in for my story.

“You’re gonna laugh, Dane, but I met the guy at the gym of all places. I know, I know, the only thing more cliché would be a gay bar, right? It’s not like I was looking for anything more than a good workout, but the guy fell right into my lap.”

“Literally?” Dane asks.

I chuckle and shake my head because it’s so damn sitcom of me, but hell if it isn’t exactly how it happened. “Yes. The big oaf tripped on my feet as he was walking past the bench I was using for my presses, and he sprawled across my thighs—all two-twenty of him!”

Dane’s smile grows. “You must’ve distracted him.”

The falsely-placed adoration draws another chuckle. “I’m not sure about that. He was a pretty big klutz. Too many muscles for his brain to coordinate, I think.”

Liam was quite the specimen, and he never missed a chance to show off his assets, especially in the gym. A burly bear of a green-eyed ginger, he loved nothing more than looking at himself in the mirror—the more scantily clothed, the better.

“He was more ‘your type’ then?”

“For what it’s worth,” I shrug, remembering my first words to Dane as clearly as he does. “I’ve since learned that means precious little.” I give Dane a long, hard look, ensuring he gets my meaning before I continue.

“Okay, the guy’s on top of you . . .?” he prompts, the eager boy begging for the bedtime story.

“I manage not to drop the barbell somehow. He finds his feet, apologizes—but not really, if you know what I mean. He’s a big shot gym rat, and I’m just some old guy he—”

“Hey!” Dane interrupts me with a whack on my bicep, which causes both of us to stare, stunned. “Whoops.”

Whoops?” This kid is a fresh surprise every minute.

“Sorry, Master, but I thought we had an agreement about that.”

Admirably, he does not back down. Yet another sign of a healthy, whole person. Way to rock this, Dane!

I hold up both hands in surrender. “My bad. Old habits and all . . .”

Dane balls up his fist and holds it up near my arm. “If you’re about to say something about old dogs and new tricks, get ready for this!”

Struggling to keep a straight face, I grab his wrist and brush my thumb over his pulse point, the exact spot my cuff was buckled just two short hours ago. Have we really come this far? The boy is a fucking miracle. I pull his fist to my mouth, kiss his knuckles one at a time, and weave my fingers between his. “Violence is never the answer,” I say, adding a wink before pulling our joined hands to my lap.

“Where was I? Oh, yes . . . he mumbles an insincere apology and goes on about his merry business while I’m lying there kind of . . .” aroused as all fuck “. . . interested.”

Dane smirks; I smirk back.

“After that, he has my full attention—and he basks in it. Guys like Li—guys like him love an audience.”

“It’s okay if you say his name.”

His offer gives me pause. Is he giving away too much again? “You sure?”

“On my honor.”

He bats those crazy-sexy eyelashes, leaving me no choice. “All right. Liam is his name.”

With a tiny shrug, Dane shakes off the information like a leaf repelling a dew drop.

“He catches me looking more than once, and after a while, I don’t even try to hide it. You want to strut your stuff for me? Sure, I’ll take a look.” And when the stuff is as hot and tight and hard as Liam’s . . .

“Pretty shameless, Master,” Dane responds with a bit of a two-friends-at-a-bar-recounting-pickup-stories lift of his eyebrow.

“You ready for the best part? The cocky son-of-a-bitch tracks me down in the shower—in a private stall, mind you—I’m good and hard with the guy on my mind . . .”

Dane shakes his head and chuckles, the ever-appreciative audience.

“He peels back the curtain like he’s entitled just because I’ve been ogling him . . . and man, is he surprised when I tell him he can either get down on his knees and suck my cock, or take his rock-hard gluteus maximus to the next stall!”

Dane laughs out loud. “Let me guess!”

I clear my throat and will my dick to slow its roll. The only boy I want to be hard for right now is the one with his hand in my lap. Still, there’s no denying the mighty force the memory invokes: the initial shock in Liam’s eyes as my command registers, the undeniable lust as he scans my soapy body, the surrender of the mighty brute as he peels off his compression shorts and drops to the cold tiles. And fuck me, the grip of his lips on my slippery cock.

“He performed admirably,” I deadpan. “Needless to say, we had something to talk about after that. I ignited something inside him he was previously unaware of, which was both wonderful and terrible. We spent a lot of time in this room together before I was willing to show Liam my dungeon. I saw the submissive in him, but he feared it.”

“Fear” isn’t a strong enough word, but I don’t want to scare Dane with Liam’s self-repugnance. His “no pain, no gain” philosophy in the weight room directly translated into a love for my paddle and my hand, which Liam never could reconcile with the macho persona he’d spent his whole life perpetuating.

“That sounds like a miserable place to be,” Dane observes.

“Indeed it was—for both of us.”

“You weren’t able to bring him over?”

Dane regards me as though he’s just learned the truth about the Easter Bunny.

“He remained conflicted—painfully so. The light play was unsatisfying for him, and anything meaningful left him with an unbearable guilt I was unable to assuage.”

Dane’s hand tightens around mine. “I’m sorry, Master,” he whispers gently.

I squeeze his fingers back and lift our joined hands to my lips. “Don’t be. Liam was an experience I needed to have, but he wasn’t the one I’ve been waiting for.”

A tiny space forms between Dane’s soft, pink lips as his mouth hinges open. “Master?” he asks, his voice a cautious hush.

The time has come for me to vocalize what we’ve both been dancing around. He needs to hear it as much as I need to say it.

“Yes, Dane. It’s you.”

Emboldened by my admission, Dane clambers into my lap inside the blankets and tucks his face into the crook of my neck. I circle his upper body with my arms, holding him close to my rapidly beating heart. Warmth and reassurance flow between us as if we’re one tumbler receiving water from a pitcher; this thing sloshes amorphously from Dane back to me, finally reaching its level where we’re joined.

I cannot forget that this boy curled in my arms, this boy I want in ways I’ve never wanted another, is yet a damaged, fragile bird with a broken wing. As much as I suspect he’s the one for me, it’s still my moral and contractual duty to keep Dane’s needs front and center. A wave of what the fuck am I doing? ripples across the calm surface, and I lift my lips from Dane’s hair to check in with him.

“Are you okay with what I told you?”

Dane’s face lifts to mine, and watery brown eyes shine back at me. “Yes,” he whispers. Then thinking better of it, he adds, “Yes, Master.”

I don’t contradict him, because he’s gotten it right—there is no part of us wherein I am not the Master to his submissive.

The urge to kiss him overwhelms me, and my hand finds his nape as our lips collide. Tongues dance together, graceful and unhurried, as we both surrender. I’m well aware of Dane’s erection pushing between our joined bellies as my own throbs beneath the warmth of his flesh. Opposing sensations pulsate through me: sated, but starving; anxious, yet confident; relaxed, but edgy. Unsurprisingly, desire wins out as I trust myself to do right by Dane even as I satisfy my own needs.

Without breaking our kiss, I slide him off my lap and pull us both to standing. The blanket falls away, leaving two needy bodies straining against each other for more. I lift Dane’s arms around my neck and send the unspoken message: Don’t move.

One of my hands slides to his perfect ass while the other glides down his belly, taking in the ripples of his abs beneath my fingertips. Dane gasps into my mouth as I fist his cock, and he lifts his hips in response and flexes forward.

Yes, chase your pleasure, boy.

I swivel my hips and invite myself to the party, opening a welcoming hand to my own hard need. Our kiss decomposes into random soft grunts as the skin-to-skin friction heats us both. We rut like two animals in mating season while my grip holds us together. Dane’s mouth goes slack, and I can feel him fighting back his orgasm—a tough habit to break, but a challenge I will happily take on.

“I want you to come with me, Dane,” I manage to force out against his soft lips. Speeding the pace of my hand over our joined shafts, I swirl and twist my wrist over, under, and around until the burning need inside me is too much to hold back.

Through the distorted lens of my cresting orgasm, I catch snippets of a conflicted Dane: pinched eyes, bitten lips, held breath, and ultimately, his explosive release. Resuscitating him with soft kisses and whispered praise, I keep him tethered to me as he skis down the back side of the mountain.

“Thank you, Master,” he murmurs into my neck.

“The pleasure was mine, sweet boy.” My hands find the smooth, supple skin of his back, stroking him gently as we rock together, trading soft sighs.

“Question please, Master?”

Will I ever not feel that initial terror at his inquiries? “Of course.”

Dane lifts his head and meets my eye. “Does . . . what you told me change anything?”

It changes everything.

“What are you concerned about exactly, Dane?” I don’t want to answer a question he might not have.

“Are we still doing the thirty days?”

“Yes, though I’d like to see you more frequently if you can swing it.”

His forehead uncreases; there might even be the beginnings of a smile. “I’d like that too.”

“Also, Dane, I’d like to work in at least two sleepovers a week.”

Dane tenses, a deer caught in the hunter’s sight. His arms slip from my neck and cross protectively over his chest. Too much too soon?

“I’ve upset you. Talk to me, please, Dane. What’s wrong?”

“Master, I . . .” Dane’s anxious eyes dart around the room, looking anywhere but at me. “I’m sorry, but I think I’d have to safe word on sleeping in your sub room.”

“As well you should!” 

Fucking hell, Marcus. When will you stop laying heaping piles of manure around? This sloppy domming is not my style. With renewed effort to watch my words, I dip my head to find his regret-filled eyes and grasp both his shoulders. “Dane, I meant for you to share my bed. I would never leave you alone overnight.”

“You wouldn’t?” The fucking bastard again.

“No, Dane, I wouldn’t allow your body to be so far from mine.”

The cloud of anxiety gradually moves off, leaving in its place a little boy who’s just encountered a kitchen filled with freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. “Your bed, Master? Truly?”

My heart soars with his happiness. “Perhaps you shouldn’t be so eager, Dane. I hog the covers, I’m told I snore, and it’s likely I’ll throw at least one leg over you in the middle of the night.”

“Sounds like heaven.”

Now we’re both chuckling. I wrap one arm around Dane’s shoulders, pleased to see them loose and relaxed again. “Spoken like a true masochist.”

“I’m afraid you’ve discovered my secret.”

He’s so heartbreakingly beautiful like this. It is exactly this easy, carefree Dane I hope to see more of. “I promise you, dear boy, I’m going to discover all your secrets before we’re through.”

SQUEE! All Dane's secrets? Nom nom nom! What about that Liam? Silly ginger gym rat! I was actually a little surprised how many of you thought this was going to be about Edward. Yes, Marcus would've had him in an instant, but Marcus knew from the start he was unattainable.

So...meeting Jayme was amazing and yet, so easy. "Disaster!" was hilarious, not exactly how I'd pictured it, and I'll be rewriting some of the scenes you haven't yet read! We both got a poster signed by the cast. We agreed our next show would be "Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man:- sure hope that one sticks around long enough!

Now, who wants to sleep with Marcus? It sounds awful!


  1. That was great. Throughout this story you have shown us snippets of the real Dane before the monster damaged him so, smiles, gestures and one liners and when Dane hit Marcus' arm..., well what a tell, he is going to be such fun when he heals.

    And seeing each other more often and sleepovers? Well you are just spoiling us now.

    Thank you


    1. I love that you're seeing these little peeks into Dane's personality as a window to the "real Dane." I agree, there's a beautiful, joyous person who's been squashed and abused, but he's still alive in there.

      Sleepovers are FUN! :)

  2. I was thinking, as I read Marcus' description of Liam, that that description sounds very close to what Edward looks like. Then you mention Edward in your closing A/N. But this is about Marcus and Dane!! Interesting how falling in love seems interrupt one's usual thoughts, behavior, and well, just about everything. I love that Marcus is a bit rattled and not his usual smooth and sure Dom, if only for now. I'm off to my daughter's for her birthday early this morning, well early for me, and I wanted to read and review before I go. I love love love this story.

    1. That's interesting you equated Liam's description to Edward. I always pictured Edward much like Rob (shocking) but much lankier than this beefcake Liam! Yeah, marcus is way off his game, that is true...but maybe he's onto a new one that's even better!

  3. *heavy sigh* The moosh in this one chapter might just be enough to see me through several more of the explosive, heart wrenching chapters just a few past. The rapport with these two men when they're working through things makes my heart tingle. It's a lovely scene you've set in the last chapter and only get lovelier in this one. Twining limps, deep kisses, whispered secrets. Never, throughout the entirety of this scene so far have these two Not been touching.

    The one thing that strikes me about Marcus' description of Liam is that in MY mind...a scary place indeed...I don't think I would have picked such a meathead for Marcus but he says himself that the sort of man Liam was, physically, was always more his type. Perhaps it's because M and D seem such a perfect couple, flaws and all, that I have a hard time imagining it. In any event, it was nice to read a bit about his past. I like knowing how he got to the place he is in now because it gives us a little more insight as to why Dane meets so many of the needs our favorite Dom has. *siiiiiigh*

    Favorite line... He nods solemnly and scoots off my lap into the cushion next to me. Our bodies are angled toward each other and our legs overlap under the blanket, but he’s carved out a separate space for himself.

    Healthy, Dane. I approve. ...Not a single line, I realize, but a paragraph plus. It's perfection. Dane's immediate thought is to give them both some room but not lose contact. Just makes me giddy.


    1. It was definitely a lot of moosh for one chappy, but yeah, I think all of us deserved it, including ma boys! Yeah, they're all twined and interwoven and snug as two bugs in a rug! Well, you know, you can't help what you'er attracted to, and I guess Marcus had that body build in his head for whatever reason, and he probably loved the idea of taming that beast of a guy...ah who knows? You think I understand it any better? LOL- all I know is that "the type" that used to get him cannot hold a candle to the boy in his arms. Sigh....

      Happy you're giddy and thanks for your lovely review!

  4. I also was surprised by Marcus's admission of who he had been in love with before. Edward was just a hopeful crush then? I am so glad they are talking, not only does it seem to soothe Dane it also seems to make Marcus more determined to be the one to help him, love him, and master him.

    1. I don't think Marcus mentions love...but he did try to bring Liam around and did allow him into his inner sanctum. That's somewhere he did not go with Edward, not in nearly the same way.

  5. This chapter was heaven! Talking solves issues. Solved is makes for a happy relationship.

    I love seeing Dane's innocence. He will be amazing once he's whole again

    1. Yeah, I'm not one for the long-festering wound. I have no stomach for it. Let's get that dirt out in the open and clean that shizzle up!

      LOVE your last comment!

  6. ooh this was a great conversation. I loved the arm punch from Dane - he's a really lovely guy when he's relaxed and comfortable. It seems that the more vulnerability Marcus shows - the more personal experiences and more he shows his faults, the more Dane responds in a positive way. And now they're spending more time together with sleepovers! Yay! Great update :)

    1. "It seems that the more vulnerability Marcus shows - the more personal experiences and more he shows his faults, the more Dane responds in a positive way."--and that earns you the gold star! MWAH! Marcus has figured out the shortcut!

  7. I'll join the pack and tell you I loved when Dane hit Marcus's arm.showed some great personality there. but I also really loved the moments around that bit when Marcus was focusing on the little things that D exhibited that showed signs of a "healthy, whole person." great that M was noticing it, now we just need to get D to do more of it! ;)

    I can sooo picture M unabashedly staring Liam down, because as he said- why shouldn't he if Liam was so clearly putting himself on display?? and the shower bit?? perfectly in command Marcus! love that.

    love love LOVE: "Warmth and reassurance flow between us as if we’re one tumbler receiving water from a pitcher; this thing sloshes amorphously from Dane back to me, finally reaching its level where we’re joined."

    I might be reading too much into this line: "there is no part of us wherein I am not the Master to his submissive." (but i really liked it)

    I, like Dane, am giddy at the thought of more and overnight sessions. It adds all sorts of delicious possibilities to them!

    1. Digi, can you just see Dane's eyes bugging out right after he realizes he's PUNCHED his Master?! Ha! Poor guy!

      I don't know that you can read too much into that line, but then again, I don't know what you're thinking!

      Oh, sleepovers! FUN!

  8. Loved this convo. It gets things even more out in the open for Dane to see Marcus. Who he "wanted" then and definitely whom he wants NOW! Dannnnne! eeeeeee! I'm still giddy. :D
    I love that Dane prepared himself for the story. Giving himself space to see, hear, and feel Marcus. I adore that Dane reminded Marcus that he didn't like the "old man" talk. Cuuute!
    I adore that they were able to talk through the bedroom worries. Dane was honest to say that he would safe word. Marcus' reassurance was amazing.
    These two men are glorious together. I cannot wait to get Dane's secrets!
    xoxo <3

    1. Ah yes to the THEN and NOW, especially the now! Yes to what you said about Dane preparing himself, which allowed Marcus to really trust that he would only hear what he could handle...which turned out to be everything.
      Oh, Pates, Dane has a couple very very dirty secrets! ;)

    2. Talk Dirty to Me! hahahaa! That song was the first thing to pop into my head!

  9. Such a beautiful chapter, it was a peek of what those two will be together, and I love it.
    Marcus was honest, yet considerate and cautious, it felt like he was more in tune with Dane's feelings and was able to ease his mind on a few issues. Marcus is opening up more and sharing freely. I love how they are working on ridding Marcus of his Methuselah complex :)
    Dane as usual is a pleasure to watch when he is joyful, playful, hopeful, and vulnerable. I work with children and I'm frequently in awe on how resilient they are and how regardless of what they have to go through, are always ready to be happy, play and laugh. I feel that Dane in a lot of ways retains that innocence and pureness.
    I was glad to know you enjoyed your day, thank you for taking time to answer each review before posting, and as always a bigger thank you for sharing your writing.

    1. Seems Marcus has some baggage too, huh, Gina?

      I think there are people who just have that core of innocence and joy and trust and I so wanted Marcus to revive Dane's for him, while at the same time showing Marcus he's younger than he thinks!

  10. "Warmth and reassurance flow between us as if we’re one tumbler receiving water from a pitcher" gah! Poetry!
    Awww ... Marcus IS committing to this young chap in body and soul! Like I said before - hook, line and sinker!
    Holy sh-t, that Liam was quite the stereotype of macho man, all vanity and ... a submissive buried deep inside LOL LOL
    “Perhaps you shouldn’t be so eager, Dane. [...] “SOUNDS LIKE HEAVEN.”
    And here is the crux of it all. Dane feels love with his Master Marcus and I know that he'll soon be IN love with Man Marcus.
    A chapter of cleaning the cobwebs, rinsing the sheets, open the windows and ... let the sun shine in! *I may have shed a tear or two*

    1. Aww, sweet! Love it when tears are shed! THANK YOU!

      Doesn't it make you wonder about some of those muscle gods strolling around the gym? ;)
      Love your observation with Dane's affection for Marcus on every level.

  11. Interesting story about Liam. Yes, I have to admit, I thought you were going to have Marcus reminiscence about Edward even with Marcus knowing that Edward was not ever going to be his.

  12. I can't believe I got so far behind! I'm rushing so I might not leave comments on each chapter.

    Have you ever read that book?

    1. Take it easy there, Lila! I'm not going anywhere!

      No, I didn't read that book but we saw the marquis for the show. Looks fun!!

  13. I loved the water/tumbler visual. The water will settle, but easily disrupted.

    I figure Edward was a no go as that was pretty one sided as far romance(?) goes. Which failure bothers Marcus more. The ability to get Liam to accept that side of himself or the loss of Liam as a lover. Failure may be the wrong word.

    While I feel bad for Dane, it felt right for the story that he is wasn't able to just let go and enjoy the sexing. He should be a long work in progress.

    I could give Dane pointers on getting those covers back!

    1. No, Edward is straight as an arrow (though kinky as a slinky!) Great question about Marcus's attitude toward Liam. My guess now is he's happy his heart was ready for Dane!

      I'm not real good at drawing things out, hence, my characters fall in love in hours and commit lifetimes to each other in a matter of days. BUT yeah, Dane isn't just going to flick a switch and be "good to go." He IS on the right track though!
      LOL on the covers!

  14. Sweet boy <-- I love this endearment for Dane as it is so fitting

  15. He’s so heartbreakingly beautiful like this. It is exactly this easy, carefree Dane I hope to see more of.

    I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE ON THIS!!!! It really is good to see him come out of his bruised, battered self and lend his trust to his Master to take care of them both.

    More talking is good good good. I think there's only forward to go from here with that approach.

    Ugh what did this man do to Dane that he cower at the thought of sleeping in the sub room? Almost safe worded even. Forking bastard. ISTG!

    Anyway off to work so I may not read any more til later. By then I'll be so worked up, reviews might come with a vengeance. Heh

    1. Yeah, from the start this is the Dane I wanted Marcus to draw out, and I couldn't wait to see how he'd do it! Enjoy your little break and then GET BACK HERE AND FINISH!

  16. i'm loving dane's child-like, whimsical reactions in this chapter. he's so sweet and playful, his confidence building. it's amazing how having just that bit of reassurance that his and marcus's relationship will be exclusive has made such a difference. dane made the healthier movements unconsciously, and with a light heart. i worried he might feel a little jealous while marcus was telling his story but dane handled it so well.

    i'm so proud that dane also spoke up about his fear of sleeping by himself in the sub's room. great progress indeed! :) x

    1. I totally agree- Dane needed to know where he stood with Marcus, and since hearing that, he can slip out of his constant terror at having to lose or win his Master and simply get back to trying to be himself. I'm proud of Dane too, for clearing up that misunderstanding before it went too far.
      Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments, Jodie.