Sunday, May 11, 2014

Sixty-five


Eleazar leads me down the office-lined hallway to an open door on the left. Stopping just beyond the door, he stretches his arm into the room, inviting me inside. A chill seizes me, and for the briefest flash of an instant, I can almost imagine myself that heartbroken, scared loner walking through this doorway for the first time all those months ago. What courage it took for Dane to drag himself here in the depths of his despair. I send up a silent prayer of gratitude that the Center and this man were here for him.

The office itself is crisp and efficient—no diplomas or family photos decorating the walls or bookshelves, nothing soft or cushy about the commercial furniture—yet the man who inhabits the office exudes a warmth that fills the space. He watches with an amused grin as I peruse the available seating options: a sagging yellow-green love seat, a stiff chair whose mates I just met in the waiting room, and the clear winner—a leather chair on casters that spends its day wheeling between the furniture arrangement in the center of the room and the desk against the back wall.

Eleazar chuckles behind me. “Go ahead, Marcus. You know you want to.”

Now I like him even more. “Wouldn’t think of it, Doc.” I sink into the sofa, letting out an involuntary groan when the bottom turns out to be a whole lot lower and far less padded than I’d expected.

Without missing a beat, the doc walks over to the ugly, stiff, rock hard waiting room chair and takes a seat.

I give him an appreciative nod. “Touché!”

“Okay, now that the hard part’s over with . . . maybe we can actually get down to work!” We share a chuckle. “How can I help, Marcus?”

“First of all, Eleazar, I want to thank you—” A boulder blocks the rest of the words from making it to the surface. I swallow and try again. “—for all you’ve done for Dane. I . . . Sorry, I’m at a bit of a loss. I don’t know what I’m allowed to talk about with you.”

He folds his hands over his chest and leans back as much as the chair allows. “He gave me carte blanche to talk to you about anything we’ve discussed today or in the past. Pretty remarkable, actually.”

“Yes, he is.”

The doctor watches and waits, which makes me smile. No wonder Dane likes him.

“I want to say thank you for healing him after what that monster did to him.”

Eleazar nods, tenting his fingers beneath his chin. “I have to give Dane all the credit for the progress he’s made; I was here to guide him, but he did all the heavy lifting.”

A chuckle rolls out of me. “You sound like me.”

He smiles. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Please do.”

The pace is slow but not uncomfortable. We’re a pair of people readers with a mutual respect and shared interest in helping Dane. I’m not in a hurry.

“I want you to know, Marcus, I appreciate your situation.”

“How so?”

His eyes crinkle. “I’m not real fond of going to the dentist.”

I bust out laughing. “Sorry, you lost me.”

“It’s not so much all the scraping and gum nicking that bothers me, but that moment of truth when the dentist comes in and sticks his sharp pick into the enamel. So much anxiety as he checks tooth after tooth, and I’m holding my breath waiting for the verdict, but he’s got to poke every damn tooth before he tells me if he’s found a cavity. I know there’s only so much I can do—brush a couple times a day, floss when I remember, the occasional swish with mouthwash—and the rest is up to my teeth, but I still feel as though I’m on trial. Did I take good enough care of myself? Why is it so damn hard to floss every night? Do I really need three cups of coffee every day? You know?”

“Yes, I’m with you now. You just picked through my mouth with a sharp implement, and I’m waiting to hear if I have a cavity.”

“Let me put your mind at ease. Dane looks better than I’ve ever seen him.”

A knot unties in my chest. Again, my voice catches in my throat. “That’s good to hear.”

“You’re good for him, Marcus.”

I try to thank him for giving me the most valuable gift I’ve ever received, but all that comes out are tears. Without ceremony, Eleazar grabs a box of tissues from his desk and slides them across the table between us.

“He told me you were concerned you weren’t doing right by him, that you ‘made him’ come to see me today because you needed reassurance. Consider yourself reassured.”

I clear my throat and the words flow easier. “No doubt, you saw right through my ploy.”

“Of course. He’ll do for you what he won’t do for himself. It’s part of his issue.”

“I know. It’s a worry.”

“Not this time,” Eleazar replies, granting me another of his warm smiles. “I’ve known your reputation for years now, Marcus. You’re the man to turn to when people need someone they can trust. For you to admit you might not have all the answers this time . . . for you to submit Dane—and in essence, yourself—to my scrutiny, I understand what that cost you.”

“This really isn’t about me,” I answer, but it’s not entirely true and we both know it. “All the same, my ulcer’s getting a good workout this morning.”

He grins. “I’m sure. You know, Marcus, an awful lot of people pass through here, and not nearly enough of them end up as lucky as Dane.”

My head whips up. “Lucky?” I’ve always thought of myself as the lucky one.

“I keep my ear to the ground and do my best to follow my cases long after they walk out of here. When I learned Dane had landed in your care, I may have danced a little bit.”

“Danced, huh? Dane would like that.”

The doctor chuffs and shakes his head. “No, he really wouldn’t.”

He’s not a bad-looking guy, trim enough without being slight, pale skin indicative of a New York winter and probably long, stressful hours at work, closer to Dane’s age than mine—

“Stop picturing me dancing.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Oh really?” He crosses his arms over his chest and raises an eyebrow.

I surrender with a huff. “I hadn’t gotten that far yet.”

He laughs and waves his hand in front of his face. “Let’s do both of us a favor and get back to Dane.”

I’m happy to get back to business. “About all this ‘churning of shit,’ as he calls it, it’s a good thing, right?”

“In general, yes, with the stipulation that he’s properly looked after while he’s purging. There are ways of accomplishing the same thing under a doctor’s care—hypnosis is something I’ve talked to Dane about in the past—but if you’re not afraid of him depending on you for support, I’d advise you to keep up exactly what you’ve been doing.”

“I’m not afraid of that for a second now that I know I’m giving him what he needs.”

“I’d say you give him exactly what he needs.”

My face heats up. What I’ve hidden from Dane is not so easy to conceal from this man.

“Sorry,” he says, “did I just hit a nerve?”

“I’m not the patient here, Doc.”

He holds up both hands. “Sorry. Occupational hazard.”

My gaze has a hard time meeting his again. When it finally gets there, he’s watching me so intently, I know I’ve revealed everything.

“Marcus,” he starts with a soft voice I recognize as my own gently prodding dominant voice, “Dane knows you love him.”

“What? No! How could he? I’ve never said a word to him!”

What the hell just happened? I feel like Robert DeNiro in Analyze This, “You . . . you’re very good, you!”

Eleazar leans forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands between them. “Not in those exact words, maybe, but in words that mean far more to him than some broad, fanciful notion. You’ve told him you trust him; you value him as a person; you respect his limits; you’d never hurt him; your affection is not conditional.”

“He told you all that?”

“Yes.”

I fall back against the poor excuse for a cushion and bang my head on the wall. “Ow. Fuck. Sorry.”

Eleazar chuckles. “If you were my patient, I’d be tempted to ask you why you’re so terrified right now.”

“C’mon, Doc. You can’t figure that one out?”

He sits back again and slowly draws his ankle to the top of the opposite knee. Not talking, damn him!

“Tell you what I’ll do, since I liked you up until about three seconds ago,” I say, smirking when he chuffs, “I’ll give you a little hint. It starts with a ‘d’ and rhymes with ‘you’re a fucking pain.’”

“Ha! I like you too, Marcus. Okay, setting aside your obvious omission, tell me more about your specific concern regarding Dane.”

“What’s so fucking obvious?”

“Hmm, since I mentioned the dreaded L-word, the f-bombs have been flying like fireworks on the Fourth of July. Is there the slightest chance that you might be a wee bit nervous you’ll get hurt in all this?”

“Me? This is about Dane! I’m not the vulnerable one here!”

Whoa! Did Edward not look at me the exact same way Eleazar is doing now when I unleashed the lie the first time?

Fuck.”

He spreads open his hands in apology. “I’m sorry to break it to you, but we’re all vulnerable.”

My stomach is a wild tangle of emotions I wasn’t prepared for when I walked in here. I reach into my coat pocket and peel off a Tums. “Be that as it may, I’m here to discuss Dane’s well-being, so if you would kindly address your comments toward that end, I would be most grateful.”

“My pleasure,” he replies. “You’re concerned that verbalizing your feelings toward him will cause him some kind of harm? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“I’m worried it will confuse the issue.”

“Which issue is that?”

“How he relates to me as a submissive.”

“You feel it’s a problem for Dane to submit to a dom who loves him?”

This man is exasperating! “I believe Dane has a hard time separating affection from obedience. I don’t want to take advantage of him.”

“You’re afraid if he knows how you feel, he will be overly compliant?”

“He certainly has been in the past.”

“We both know that had nothing to do with being loved.”

“From our perspective, no, but who knows what Dane thought?”

My reasoning is starting to feel as flimsy as the next Kleenex waiting to be plucked. “You’re making my head hurt. Got any Advil?”

“Marcus,” he soft voices me again, and I look up into the kind eyes behind the glasses. “I apologize if I’m somehow denigrating your lifestyle by asking you this, and please believe me, it’s only out of my ignorance for the nuances of what you obviously do so well, but I have to say, I really don’t understand why you’re making this so difficult on yourself. Why does everything have to be one track or the other? Why can’t you just feel what you feel for each other across all levels of relating?”

The chalky taste settles around my teeth and tongue while I ponder his suggestion. Is it really that easy? Can I really just let go and let him know how I feel?

“I’ll think about it.”

Eleazar smiles. “Wonderful. What’s next?”

“What’s your take on Dane’s parents?”

“I don’t know much about them, other than he seemed to have a good relationship before his previous master came between them.”

“We don’t call him that.”

“Excuse me?”

“The prick. We call him ‘Wayne.’ ‘Master’ makes him larger than life.”

“Well done,” he replies with a grin. “How’d you pick that hideous name?”

“I didn’t. His mom did.”

“Seriously?”

“You didn’t know?”

“I could never get him to say. Anyway, back to the parents.”

“Yes, I was thinking about encouraging him to reconnect. I’d love for him to eventually invite them to see his show. And if he felt comfortable, they could meet me. I know they don’t have a problem with Dane’s being gay, and they don’t need to know the rest of the details. I would think they’d like to know their son is happy and successful. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be better off for it, too.”

“Sounds reasonable. My understanding is that his bond with each parent is healthy and would be beneficial for Dane, especially where he suffers from abandonment issues. I would caution you to tread lightly and let Dane make all the moves. Despite what he so eagerly gives you, Dane is not a man who relinquishes control in other aspects of his life. He won’t appreciate your going behind his back.”

“I already learned that the hard way.”

He nods. “Sean.”

“He told you that, too?”

“Mmhmm. Dane tends to be a bit of an open book when he trusts someone.”

“He trusts too damn easily!”

Eleazar’s eyebrows pop up.

“Sorry, present company excluded.”

“I think that was a lovely thing you did, by the way. Sean is a fantastic guy, and he was critical to Dane’s survival. He’s the one who got Dane to work with me when he was hardly able to speak. It was . . .” Eleazar shakes his head, and my heart sinks right into my churning belly.

“Speaking of the asshole, here’s where I really need your professional advice. I’m going to put him out of commission.”

“Please tell me that wasn’t a threat on a man’s life. I would be forced to report you, and I really don’t think that would be good for my patient. Plus, I still like you even though you’re a little bit scary.”

I grin and shake my head no. “Not murder, something far more poetic.”

“Off the record, I’d love to get my hands around that guy’s throat. He’s personally responsible for three separate cases I’ve had over the last six months.”

“Dear God. How are the other boys doing?”

His morose expression answers even though his words say, “I’m sorry, I can’t discuss other cases.”

“The fucker!”

 “Were you thinking of involving Dane?”

“My number one priority is Dane’s safety—emotional as well as physical. I have no doubt I can safeguard him physically, but it’s the other piece that troubles me. Am I wrong in thinking that Dane will heal more quickly once he knows that Wayne has been taken out of circulation?”

“I know for a fact it weighs on Dane that he never reported his—Wayne—for the abuse he inflicted. He does worry about other victims, as you would suspect of someone whose heart is as massive as Dane’s.”

“That seems to settle that point, then. So if Dane knows about it, does it make sense for him to participate?”

Eleazar sits back in his chair and takes a long, deep breath, which he blows out in tiny increments. “That’s a tough question, Marcus. You’re asking me if I think it’s a wise plan for Dane to face his abuser? To possibly aid in the man’s come-uppance?”

I nod and wait, my nerves raw and jangling.

“What does your gut tell you? You know him best.”

“I saw the difference in him when we knocked Wayne off the master pedestal, and I would hope that by facing him in person while under my protection and care and surrounded by his friends, Dane would leap tall buildings in a single bound.”

Leaping-dream-Dane comes roaring back into my psyche. I push him away with a shake of my head. Sorry, not now.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I’d like to give the bastard a taste of his own medicine. We know how to handle our own.”

He holds up a hand. “Maybe I shouldn’t ask any more questions.”

“And I’ll tell you no lies,” I add with a smirk. “I have your blessing, then?”

With a tilt of his head, he answers, “And my reservations. But more of the former than the latter.”

I shake my head. “Do they teach you how to talk like that at psychology school?”

“Yes,” he says, “that and how to not answer at all.”

“Yes, how very infuriating.”

He gives me a rueful smile. “I respect you, Marcus, and I know you will keep Dane safe. You have to trust your instincts. You’ve clearly worked miracles already.”

Speaking of my miracle, I’m itching to get back to him. Dane must be climbing the walls out there by now. Pushing off the couch with a mighty groan, I stand and shake out my legs. “Thank you for spending so much of your time with me, doc. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

He offers his hand again. “Pleasure is all mine. Seeing Dane doing so well is the best possible way to spend my day. And I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long while.”

“That’s very kind of you.”

We’re still shaking hands when he adds, “It’s actually a little bit selfish of me.”

“How do you mean?”

“We’ll talk down the road. Take care of this first. Dane is job number one.”

I chuckle. “He’s not just a job; he’s an adventure.”

The doctor laughs with me. “I can only imagine.”

I wave a scolding finger at him. “Stop picturing Dane dancing.”

“I hadn’t gotten that far. Honestly though, here’s my card. Please call me when you set up whatever you set up. I want to be there for Dane.”

I reach my left arm around his back and give him a hearty clap. “You’re a good man, Doc. Thanks for everything.”

“Happy birthday, Marcus.”


Looks like Marcus has a green light! How did the good doctor do?

Happy Mother's Day! I've got one kid at home and one far away, and I'm blessed with a mother and MIL who are still very much a part of our lives after a terrible scare earlier this year. Feeling grateful for all that...and each of you terrific readers. MWAH!

24 comments:

  1. Ah. Ah. Ah. Yesss, Dr. E, go you! Why can't M have the best of both worlds? Eh eh eh seems not so long ago we discussed this eh MotW?
    Elated that Dr. E so masterfully *no pun intended, I swear lol* called M on his bluff lol
    It was good to see M opening up a little bit and let someone fr the outside talk about the 'l' word ... being a Dom doesn't entitle him the sole owner of the tree of knowledge, everybody sometimes need someone to talk to and being M's 1st time in this ahem ... situation ... all good!
    Awww ... so happy for D&M!
    1-Marcus going after W? Yesss!!!! Ohmygosh there were more boys involved? My heart aches for them ...
    2-Dane getting closer to his parents? Just the proverbial cherry on top of the icing! *huh? Not cherry? Strawberries? Be it lol* and you know old sappy me is already envisioning a lovely meal with the inlaws, a commitment, a house, a dog ...
    Muse!!! Curb your enthusiasm! LOL

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    1. I think you just wrote my epilogue.
      Dude.
      xo

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  2. Happy Mother's Day, Born! Thanks for the glimpse into how dane's therapist interacts with both him and Marcus'. Love this chapter! Interesting that Eleazar pointed out that although dane may be submissive, he likes control, perhaps even needs it, in other areas of his life. Love that Marcus' sort of freaked out at the mention of the "L" word. I'm sure more is coming about that in future chapters. I'm off to my daughter's house but wanted to be sure I read today's chapter before I went...

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    1. I know many of us submissive types need to have control elsewhere, though there are probably just as many who'd happily give it up entirely. Dane's already proven that he wants to be in control of his own life, and that includes CHOOSING when to give up control. You have a wonderful mother's day and enjoy it all.
      xoxo

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  3. Errmm, very interesting chapter, I liked Eleazar very much, right Born, where to start;

    So excited that Eleazar knows that Dane knows about Marcus' love and loved M's reaction to the news. As always M's concerns are always about Dane and how he will react to things but M's vulnerability is also endearing.

    Loved that Marcus will now have to think about what it would mean to be in a loving
    D/s relationship and how that would work for these two. Would a relationship like, say, Bella and Edward's, where they have their set D/s times, work for M and D or would they always be D and s along with all the cheeky, easy going moments that they have now? This is very interesting for me and I look forward to how you guide these two down that path or indeed how the two of them guide you, Born.

    So glad Marcus mentioned his 'keeping things from Dane before, moment', I always hope he remembers that and although I am nervous for Dane over the Wayne business, I am also excited about Wayne's comeuppance. I am sure the fact that Eleazar is seeing other victims, will give Dane the courage he needs to do want he can to help himself and the others and M will be there to protect him physically (that was never in doubt) but emotionally too.

    It's a bit intriguing when Eleazar said he has selfish reasons for wanting to meet Marcus, is it to ask for his help with other submissives, because if so, he needs to know that M has given up his sub whispering days. Perhaps he would like M to come and talk to groups about good and bad Dominants, or how to avoid abusers in the lifestyle, uumm my mind is running away with me.

    Finally, thank you Born, for another great, thought provoking chapter, looking forward to the rest of M's birthday.

    Jarvis
    xx

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    1. You ask such a tantalizing question, J, one I've been asking myself since I first started writing this little saga. How WOULD it look long term? I guess we might find out after their 30 day trial period ends. *wink* You are so right about these two guiding me. That's pretty much how this has worked from the start. I sit down with a few words as an outline and just watch and listen. So we'll see!

      Your mind is going to all the best places, m'dear. I shall say no more on that topic! Thank you for the lovely, insightful review. Much appreciated.
      xxoo

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  4. Wow that was some conversation! Scary as it was for Marcus, he was better for having spoken to Eleazar. Being upfront about what had happened isn't easy, for either Dane or Marcus, but it's great to have that validation that everything is improving because these two are together. I can't wait to see what unfolds as regards to putting the wayne-in-ator out of commission. Dane's support system, and the fact he's come so far makes me think he will be able to leap tall buildings when facing that horrible man again. Wonderful chapter hun, and Happy Mothers Day to you and yours xx

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    1. wayne-in-ator! LOL Thank you for your kind words and lovely insights. I agree, that therapy crud is hard, but once you get it out there, you don't have to be alone anymore. :)
      xoxo

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  5. Gah, this was sooo just what I needed after work today! ;)

    Eleazar is a good people-reader lol he knows instantly that M wants to steal his chair and even invites him to. lol

    I could expound upon all the parts of their conversation that I loved but maybe just the highlights for now (lol): loved when the doc said M was good for D and Marcus got speechless with tears (*swoon*). I was impressed/ surprised/ intrigued to gather from their conversation that Eleazar knows about M's "lifestyle" hmmm lol.

    If I had to choose a favorite line (and I know I don't but I'm going to pick anyway), it'd be a whole paragraph: “I apologize if I’m somehow denigrating your lifestyle by asking you this, and please believe me, it’s only out of my ignorance for the nuances of what you obviously do so well, but I have to say, I really don’t understand why you’re making this so difficult on yourself. Why does everything have to be one track or the other? Why can’t you just feel what you feel for each other across all levels of relating?” God, what's this doc's number???

    I like how eleazar commented on Dane's need for control in other ares for his life: "Despite what he so eagerly gives you, Dane is not a man who relinquishes control in other aspects of his life. He won’t appreciate your going behind his back.”

    I've been wondering for a while what M's plans for Wayne entail- whether they be physical, or spreading the word about him and black-balling him from the community... perhaps, I'm closer to seeing where M's plans are headed now...

    Very curious to hear what E wanted to meet M for... ;)

    A really fantastic chapter, B. I really enjoyed meeting Eleazar.

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    1. Heehee, happy you enjoyed the "chair moment"!
      Okay, yeah, I know Eleazar asked/TOLD Marcus what many of you have been saying. What's the big damn deal, big guy? SUCK IT UP YOU LOVE HIM! LOL

      You asked many delicious questions I cannot answer, sweet Dig.
      XOXOXO

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  6. I have a new ff crush. Eleazar is the man. I enjoyed how he turned that mirror on Marcus and made him see some truths. It takes a strong man to stand up to a strong man, but with their common goal of seeing Dane through they will make a superhero team. Loved Marcus' thoughts constantly going back to Dane throughout the session. That man is (figuratively) so whipped.
    Happy Mothers day to you too m'dear, hope you had oodles of fun.

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    1. I love how you put that. I guess that's what any great therapist would do- turn the mirror, but WHOOPSIE, he's not M's therapist...or is he?? Hehe, who's whipped now??
      xoxo

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  7. I can finally breathe easy... Is it weird that even though rationally I knew everything was going to be OK (since I have the prologue as reference), I couldn't relax until Marcus got the green light from Eleazar? See that's what your characters do to me, they make me a little crazy, I am so emotionally invested now that I honestly experience every emotion they go through. I am really glad that Marcus got what he needed out of his conversation with Eleazar, but that Eleazar was so tricky since he left a few questions unanswered and even threw a few new bit of information for Marcus to process, I guess we will see him again. I can hardly wait to find out what Marcus has planed for Wayne. I loved how Dane was such a powerful presence in the chapter, even though he was not physically in it. It goes to show what I said before, he is like a star whose shine is too powerful to hide, so delightful to see how he makes an impact in every person he comes in contact with. Great to read about Dane's family and hopefully soon we will get to meet them. I also enjoyed how Eleazar makes Marcus realize that the only reason he hasn't confess his love for Dane has a lot more to do with his own reservations that with Dane himself, after all Dane is aware of his feeling and was brave enough to ask Marcus to make to him. Maybe Marcus needs to talk to Edward to sort out own issues? <<------- Shameless request :) I miss Edward
    My favorite part though was this words from Eleazar "Despite what he so eagerly gives you, Dane is not a man who relinquishes control in other aspects of his life." I says a lot on how much Dane is actually in control of his life and emotions and the fact that he willingly relinquished control to Marcus in so many ways becomes more meaningful. I'm looking forward to the next chapter to see what Dane has planed for the rest of Marcus's Birthday Day.
    I missed the last few posts but I was able to catch up today, it was Mother's Day back here yesterday (May 10th) and even though we are DINKs, I was running crazy with school projects and with my Mom and Nana. Happy Mother's day to you, I hope you have a great day. As always thank you so much for creating these amazing characters, for sharing their story and your kind replies to all the reviews.

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    1. You're pretty much the perfect reader tossing the prologue out and worrying along with Marcus about how this might go! Thank you for that. I realize many of you are jonesing for Edward. You will see him again. Trust me. :)

      I really enjoyed writing this scene between Marcus and Eleazar, and I'm so pleased it moved you, Gigi.
      Thank you so much for letting me know in such a detailed way what touched you.
      xo

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  8. Love this:

    When I learned Dane had landed in your care, I may have danced a little bit.”

    I am certainly curious about this:

    What I’ve hidden from Dane is not so easy to conceal from this man.

    Will we be learning more? Is it only that Marcus loves Dane or is there more to it?

    No doubt:

    “I’m sorry to break it to you, but we’re all vulnerable.”

    Great line:

    Plus, I still like you even though you’re a little bit scary.”

    Hmmm...giving Wayne a does of his own medicine sounds pretty good to me. Does that mean that Marcus would be dishing that out or Dane?

    So the doc has been wanting to meet Marcus...interesting. Why? Did he want advice about entering the lifestyle? Or does he want to know more so that he can help Wayne's other victims? Or, is he already in the lifestyle? Can't wait to see all that is to be revealed.



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    1. MORE THAN LOVE?? What might that be, Keye? *wink wink*
      Oh thank you for listing your favorite lines. I always love knowing what made an impact on you readers!

      I LOVE your questions about Eleazar's comment to Marcus. You had some great guesses.

      Dane dishing out torture? I dunno about that. ;)
      xxx

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  9. Oh these two! I love how they start with a pissing contest over the Chairs. Eleazor already knows what chair he will pick depending on what chair Marcus does. I love how he puts them on equal footing.

    "Pair of people readers" ... yup pretty much.

    E's analogy for the dentist.. spot on. He pokes around looking for all of M's soft spots an hits a few. When Marcus teared up.. oh my. E knows how loved D feels, and knows how he was "encouraged" back to therapy. Of course he knows M loves him.

    Thinking on the line " Why can’t you just feel what you feel for each other across all levels of relating?” Isn't that true for all people, no matter what there lifestyle choice. When you love someone, every part of your life is affected. When you love someone it affects the two of you as lovers, friends, parents, cohabiters, business partners, etc. Sometimes it's in a good way, sometimes not. I think the healthier the love you have for one another ensures that it does affect things in a good way. The best and worst examples are most obvious to me in parenting and business partners.

    I know I've said it before but Marcus ensuring that Dane has a support system and is surrounded by people that love him is such an act of love. It is the opposite of an abuser and will in fact help immunize Dane from future abuse. It acknowledges many different kinds of love and that M can't be all for D. He wants D to have every kind of love he can have and working to make sure he gets it. Marcus and Dane have a lovely bubble they can inhabit, but you can't live there full time.

    E and M plotting the demise (however you plan to take it) of little d.. these two are made to be friends. I can just see them sharing a bottle of wine and arguing/debating all sorts of issues. Maybe M needs to enlarge his circle of love too.

    My new favorite chapter. I hope there is more with E.

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    1. It's so much fun to put two great minds together and see what happens. Eleazar and Marcus have so much potential together- each so utterly respectful of the other. Yeah "of course E knows" is right! :D
      Your insights are so true about "all levels of relating"- never really did too well with the "let's stay friends" thing. Too hard after the intimacy of something else. But kudos to those who can do it! Too bad about their bubble, huh? But yeah, Marcus wants Dane to be his best and he's man enough to make that happen for him, even if he has to give up little pieces of Dane. What a lovely image you leave me with here- Marcus and Eleazar sharing a bottle of wine. Maybe Eleazar has a partner or husband?
      xo

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  10. THIS was absolutely fabulous! Not only did Marcus feel better about how his relationship with Dane, but also got Marcus thinking about himself and what he is nervous of. Eleazar is good really good! ;)
    I loved it when E said he danced a little when he found out about Dane being with Marcus! Eeeeeee!!!

    And my heart hurt when E mentioned others he was seeing due to the bastard!

    Loved it, B!!
    Xoxo
    ❤️❤️❤️

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    1. I've kind of learned you can't sit in therapy- no matter who you're there for- without learning about yourself. Whether you take it in or not is another story! ;)

      Thanks for letting me know your wide range of emotional responses. This chapter revealed itself to me as I wrote- I had very little agenda other than green lighting Marcus. I'm so pleased it spoke to you in all these different ways.
      xoxo

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  11. Well this was quite an enlightening session with the Doc. I think Marcus got a bit more than he was bargaining for. Maybe a 2 for 1 session hmmm??? Very interesting that his reputation is know outside of the D/s community. I bit comforting and frightening I would think! Very happy Marcus has the green light - now it's time to drive fast so we can rip a new hole for Waynehole. I love that I have taught my phone to recognize Waynehole as a real word :-p

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    1. Heehee, it's pretty hard to sit on that couch and not get a wee bit analyzed! I tink Eleazar has his ear to the community, not that any Tom, Dick, or Hairy (hee hee) could get the low-down on what goes on in the clubs. Not to worry, sis!

      BAHAHA your phone is SUPER smart!
      xxx

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  12. Eleazar seems like the doc every one wishes they had. So cool and collective. Down to earth but also very professional. Creates great rapport with his clients, from the way he was with Marcus. Loved their interaction.

    Oh Marcus... your vulnerable side is showing. He's damn petrified of losing Dane so much that he doesn't even want it to become a topic for discussion. He doesn't want it talked about or analyzed bc then it becomes too real and maybe he can't handle that. Besides he's trying to pawn this visit off as strictly for Dane but I think he needed it just as well. It will be good to get insight from someone obviously external to both of them. Someone neutral and objective.

    Excited to see Dane reconnect with his family. I just hope that the asshole didn't taint their view on Masters on a large scale bc that could put Marcus in a really shady place through their eyes. I hope they can take a long look at their boy and see how well he's doing and how good Marcus has been to and for him.

    Also very intrigued about the approach Marcus is taking in terms of taking down Wayne. Can't wait to see how that pans out. And how Dane will react and what his role would be like in said plans. It would be like opening a can of worms for Dane. Facing Wayne could be a very big test of strength and will yet. Guh so nervous about this bc I am an anxiety sufferer and worrying is what I'm good at. If it were a career I'd make millions! Lol

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    1. I love to write psychologists! In my Lather, Rinse, Repeat, the doc became larger than life in the story and even ended up having a love relationship with a friend's psychologist character! (What's wrong with me??) LOL on your career path, Packy. Trust in Marcus, trust in Dane, trust in the two of them together. That's all you need. Promise. <3 XOXO

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