Friday, July 11, 2014

Eighty-seven




Finally, we reach the driveway, and the car is swallowed by the creaky jaws of the garage door behind us. I haven’t even turned off the motor as I bark out his instructions. “You have ten minutes to prepare yourself in the sub room, and I want you naked and ready when I knock on your door.”

“Yes, Master.” With no responsibilities but following his Master’s orders and nowhere else to be in the whole world, Dane is utterly serene as he makes his way to the cellar stairs. I might envy his position right now if I weren’t so damn pleased to be at the other end of the commands.

I have only one detail to take care of—stripping down to my jeans and bracelet—and I’m ready for him. Tonight’s scene involves patience and artistry; Dane is my granite, and I am the sculptor. My knuckles tap out a soft warning before I open the door to find Dane waiting in perfect submissive posture. His lips curl up at the corners when he sees the way I’m (not) dressed. The feeling is oh so mutual, my sweet boy.

“Time for your Master’s collar, Dane.”

“Yes, please,” he answers, dropping his chin to his chest so I can fasten the buckle around the back of his neck.

“I can’t imagine ever not getting a charge out of seeing you in nothing but my collar. Come; step in front of the mirror so you can enjoy it, too.”

“Thank you, Master.”

I lead Dane to the fluffy rug I’ve placed a few feet from the mirror. His gaze follows my reflection as I pick up the coil of blue silk-and-bamboo-blend rope and step behind him. “All the work will be mine tonight, Dane. Your job is simply to still your mind and body. Release your hands to your sides.”

The first length of cobalt rope crosses his chest. “This really is your color, Dane. Look how beautifully your skin tone plays off the rope.” My fingers knot a crisp two-column tie to anchor the silk just under his nipples. “How does it feel to become my gorgeous work of art?”

Dane pulls in a deep breath. “Feels nice, Master.”

Twist, loop, tug . . . same thing on the other side.

“I can practically hear my rope weeping for joy to be wrapped around such perfection, Dane.” Swish, wind, tighten. “Turn sideways so you can watch me do your back.”

Dane watches with great fascination as I bind his wrists and slip the twine through the D-ring of his collar to anchor everything in place.

“How are you doing, Dane? Can you feel the warmth of your Master’s embrace now?”

“Yes, Master,” he responds, sounding far away and mesmerized.

“That’s good, boy. You’re doing so well. I’m going to stop talking now so you can just concentrate on the sound and feel of the ropes as I decorate you. Talk to me if you need to; tell me if you’re feeling anxious or if anything is too tight. This should all be very soothing.”

The soft rush of silk is the only sound in the dungeon aside from his breathing and mine; the only movement is that of my hands as I work without conscious thought, tying a series of decorative knots down Dane’s spinal column. Dane disappears deep within himself. Well balanced on his feet, he responds with the slightest twist as I thread the rope between his legs and finish off my design with an intricate cage around his erection.

With firm hands on his shoulders, I turn Dane to the mirror again, standing behind him so I don’t block his view. Running my hands along the taut ropes and the skin between, I am treated to his goosebumps and soft moans. My perfect, responsive boy.

Careful not to break the carefully woven spell, I place my mouth near Dane’s ear. “Close your eyes and feel what it means to be held tight by your Master.”

He pulls in long, slow, rhythmic breaths—the very vision of relaxation I was hoping to achieve. I step into his back and support his body with my arm around his belly. “Memorize this, Dane. Make this a part of you so you can come back to this place whenever you need to.”

He seems just short of a deep sleep, and I’m afraid if I were to let go, Dane might actually topple. Yet when I lean into him to provide support, his solid presence in the scene renews my strength.

“I’m so proud of you, Dane. You’ve really quieted your thoughts for me tonight. Please stay just like this for as long as you need. Open your eyes if you like, or not. Just be; I’m right here with you.”

And I can think of nowhere else I’d rather be for the foreseeable future.

“When you tell me you’re ready, I’ll untie you.”

He drags in several more deep breaths before slowly opening his eyes and meeting mine in the mirror. “Ready, Master,” he says.

I give him a nod. “Most people really enjoy this part, and I hope you will, too. Let me know if you get cold, and I’ll throw a blanket over your shoulders.”

I release the end knot and begin the unwinding, untying, unbinding of my submissive. Dane watches my movements in the mirror, his gaze making a circuit from my hands to my chest to my face. His cock springs free as the rope clears its tip. Hold that thought.

“Keep breathing, Dane. Nice and easy, just like before.” I watch him for signs of distress; the process of being released can sometimes feel like rejection. If Dane’s liberation turns to sub drop, I am ready to catch him. Meanwhile, each knot I undo is replaced with a warm caress, gentle words, the soft press of my lips on his skin. Every inch of him is loved, and I won’t settle for conveying anything less.

“Cold, Master.”

The blanket is close by, and I pull it around Dane’s shoulders, releasing the collar and freeing his hands. When the last of the rope is coiled again in my arms, I take Dane by the hand.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go upstairs.”

Aftercare consists of a full-body massage on my bed, rendering my boy a limp mass of relaxed muscles topped off by a lazy grin. Limp, with one notable exception. There was a reason I started him on his belly—ending with Dane on his back leaves him exactly where and how I want him.

Coaxing his ankles apart with my knees, I burrow into position between Dane’s thighs and pop open my jeans, earning a surprised lift of his head to check out the turn of events. He drops back onto his pillow with a happy sigh as my slicked-up fingers breach his opening. Soon enough, Dane is moaning and squirming and tensing as desire awakens his body.

Kicking off my jeans, I cover Dane from toes to chest, pressing warm skin against cool, need against need. This.

Perched over his face, I dive into his deep brown pools, finding honesty, gratitude, and trust. This.

Touching down on his lips, I shed the last vestiges of Master, shifting seamlessly without losing intensity. This.

“I love you, Dane.” It’s so easy to tell him now; I almost can’t believe it was ever difficult.

“I love you too, Master—Marrrrrcus?” Dane looks like he just stumbled into his own surprise party—confused and amused.

I push the hair off his crinkled forehead while a low belly laugh escapes me. “Don’t sweat it, Dane.” Kissing him again cuts off the conversation and refocuses both of us on this moment. Names are unimportant; the emotions are real, and we’re here together in this.

“Okay,” he says, and I can see the Dane grin spreading across his face, “whoever you are, would you please fuck me already?”

His question finds its answer but not with words.

After my boy is good and fucked, he tumbles out of bed with a tired, yet somehow still impressive, display of acrobatics.

“Where are you going?” My voice is already thick with the prelude to sleep.

“Gotta get a couple things from my bag.”

“Hurry back.”

“Yes, Master,” Dane answers with a chuckle.

I keep one eye half-open, and Dane rewards me with a full-on view from behind of a perfect toe-touch bend to the floor. “Who does that?” I mutter, causing Dane to shoot me a smug grin around his contorted body. “You’re lucky I need my pillow, boy, or it would be up your ass right now. Damn showoff!”

He roots around for another minute before climbing back into bed beside me, smoothing one hand down his leather necklace and clutching our poetry book in the other. “My turn.”

I can’t even look at Dane without smiling so hard my face hurts. He’s holding fast to the rituals we’ve established, two more elements of the “comfort food” that is our relationship. “What have you got in store for me tonight?”

Dane scoots back so his ass hits the headboard, and he opens the book to the marked page. “A little Walt Whitman I chose after talking with Sean.”

I’m expecting “O Captain! My Captain!,” so I’m blown away when Dane begins, “To a Stranger.”

The glance he shoots me could be one of the many I’ve stolen while driving—a quick check-in, hoping to avoid getting caught looking but failing each time. I’m sure Dane sees delight and curiosity in my expression as he turns back to the book and reads:

“Passing stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon
         you, 
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to
         me as of a dream,) 
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste,
         matured, 
You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours
         only nor left my body mine only, 
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you
         take of my beard, breast, hands, in return, 
I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone
         or wake at night alone, 
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.”

“What a beautiful selection, Dane. Transcends time and space . . . just lovely. For the record, if I have my way, you may never lose me.”

“Good to know.” The last thing I see before he leans over to turn out the light is Dane’s smile.



“Dane, you’re fidgeting. Wanna talk about it?”

“Sorry,” he answers, smoothing his hands along his lap and clasping them together over the seat belt.

“I don’t want you to apologize; I want you to talk to me if you can.”

He’s been fine all day—brilliant in his submission, sweet and engaging over lunch, intense in his workout. Sure, he was a touch quiet as we packed up and left my house but nothing that set off any alarm bells.

Eleazar’s warning rings in my ears: “You know he’s rather skillful at hiding things, especially if he feels he might be disappointing . . . someone he wants to impress.” Now I see it plain as day. Whatever he’s been repressing has erupted, and we are going to have to deal before stepping into that dungeon in just three short hours.

I switch to “peripheral mode,” engaging my stealth monitoring system so Dane doesn’t feel like a lab rat. Still, he shifts in his seat until his back is almost facing me as he gazes out the window. I wait. Fuck.

A soft, scared voice penetrates the thick air inside the car. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

My arms feel like two concrete blocks resting on the steering wheel. The hard leather circle gives way under the crushing grip of all ten fingers. Where the fuck are my Tums?

Dane needs to hear that I’m not afraid of his truth. I muster up my faith in us, but I still hear my voice crack on the third word in. “I’ll be fine as long as you are honest with me.”

An arm lifts. Tears are wiped on pants.

“Dane, would you like me to pull over?”

“No, I can do this. Just give me a sec.”

“Take your time.” Spit it out.

My knuckles are white, and my stomach is turning faster than my tires. Dammit, Dane—

“I’m scared.”

It’s a start.

“Dane, that’s perfectly normal. You’re about to face someone who abused you physically and emotionally for months, if not years. Remember what I said; if you’d prefer to stay out of it, you can stay at the hotel.”

Please don’t ask me not to do this thing.

“I’m not scared of . . . Wayne.”

“You’re scared of me?”

Oops. That probably should have stayed inside. Dane’s head whips around, his face a mess of tears and astonishment.

“No! Never! Is that what you think?” He’s pressed against the door, shrunk as far away from me as possible in our tiny quarters as we barrel down the highway together. Thank goodness my doors lock automatically when the engine starts.

“Dane, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blurt that out. No, I don’t think you’re scared of me, but my imagination is running a little wild here.” My heart is pounding against my ribs, and I’m having a hell of a time keeping us in our lane.

Sniffle. “I’m sorry. God, I’m making it worse.”

“You know what, Dane? I’m going to take a deep breath here. How would you like to join me?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him nodding. “Sure.”

The first breath feels so good, we take a few more after that. Dane trails off with a shaky sigh.

“Okay, here’s the thing,” he says. “I haven’t seen Wayne in a long time, and the last time I did see him, I had . . . feelings for the man, so what if . . .”

He shakes his head and turns away.

Oh, wow. So wasn’t expecting that.

I have no idea what to say, but I have the strong sense that whatever words come out of my mouth next are crucial to Dane’s well-being. Seems like a good time to bite my cheek and think before I speak.

Channel Eleazar.

Slowly, as dispassionately as possible, I ask, “Do you think you have feelings for him still?”

It’s not easy to hear Dane over all my self-berating for failing to consider this scenario. Is it possible Dane could still want this hideous, abusive blowhard? Am I so bloated with ego that I failed to see what was right in front of me the whole time?

“What I feel right now is shame and frustration and—even though I probably shouldn’t—hatred. But I’m not sure I trust myself not to go back to that place where he was my whole world.” Dane’s hands are balled into tight fists in his lap. Big, messy sobs wrack his body as he forces out his confession. “I can’t . . . lose you.”

I hate that we’re doing this in the car, where I can’t reach him, but there’s a reason it’s happening here. I need to respect his choice, as much as it’s eating me up.

“Dane, look. Neither of us can predict how you’re going to feel when you see this man again. My guess is, you will have a violently negative reaction, and that’s actually what I’ve been focused on. I can’t say I’ve even considered the possibility you might have romantic or sexual inclinations at this point, but I suppose that’s possible.”

“I don’t see how I could either,” he mutters.

In the battle of good versus evil, I’m pretty confident I’d beat Wayne every damn time, but if Dane’s heart is stuck on the sack of shit, I guess we’ll deal with it somehow.

“You can’t help your emotions, Dane.”

“I can’t want him. I just can’t.”

Frankly, I’m in perfect agreement with that statement, but saying it out loud won’t help him. What might help is my confidence in him.

“I trust you even though you don’t seem to trust yourself right now.”

He shifts in his seat; the tension seems to ratchet down a notch. “And I trust you, so I guess I have to believe you.”

I sneak a quick peek and find the beginning of a smile on his lips. “Then trust this, Dane: Whatever happens, happens, and you and I are gonna be just fine.”

He’s quiet for a few minutes, mulling it all over. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

“With all my heart.”


Do you believe? Hey, how'd you like my fade to black with "After my boy is good and fucked," ...guess you can use your imaginations there! ;) So, there they go, on their way into the city for the BIG FAT THING. Eeeeep! With me?

XOXO b.

22 comments:

  1. BOHHHHHH *moaning* We're all ready for the big fat thing and here you come with ... Walt Whitman and Dane's doubts? Btw, since I don't know much of American poetry I simply reveled on this beautiful choice fr Dane to Marcus! *sniffs*
    Now Dane's doubts ... wow you caught me here girl!
    Tsk tsk *long and deep sigh* ok, I'm going to meditate and prepare myself for ... the event.
    *winks* Teaser!!!!!!!!

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    1. Wellllllllllllll??

      Come on, Muse, think about it. What if you had the chance to see that one guy who blew you off and you never understood why, always thought you could convince him he was wrong...don't you think you might be tempted to...I dunno...have a feel or two?
      xo

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  2. Oh and one thing I forgot to mention *sorry, sometimes I'm a bit prolix and lose the big picture* how symbolic Marcus wrapping/unwrapping Dane so sweetly ... and in silk nonetheless! My feeling is that it's Marcus' way of showing him he got him all protected and safe and cherished *sappy Muse with longing eyes*

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    1. Yessssssssssss! A sweet silky cocoon of warmth and security. :D

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  3. Love love love the scene at the beginning of the chapter. I haven't read a whole lot of stuff with ropework like that, and even less that I felt really connected to. With these two men, it'd be hard not to feel connected. As I was reading the scene, it felt like slow, sensual moving poetry. I finally get the eroticism and the emotional connection involved in the ropes. I love the things Marcus said to Dane to keep him where he needed to be, and I was intrigued by that bit about how 'being released can sometimes feel like rejection.' I can definitely picture how that could happen, and it just reinforced the care with which Marcus untied Dane and brought him back up to the surface. *swoons*

    I also love how right after that deep, intense bit with the rope, Dane got right back to his cheeky self and even managed to spit out Marcus's name. It's a start! :)

    Poor, nervous Dane. I didn't anticipate his specific worry about seeing Wayne (that's why you're the writer, I guess!), but I'm not too surprised- that's probably how I would be. Sometimes I get stuck in a painful round of what-ifs, even when in a more rational moment you KNOW that the 'what-ifs' would never happen. I'm sure Dane will be fine when it comes time to see Wayne (at least in regards to any attraction...). I have faith in these two. :)

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    1. Oh, I LOVE how you characterized the shibari- slow, sensual moving poetry. Beautiful, Digi. I love how you tied in my poetry theme with the scene. Thank you for that! That bit about the release was something I picked up while researching the shibari techniques. Apparently it is fairly common (I guess a different version of subdrop than what I'd previously read about) so I wanted to bring it in. Thank you for commenting on it. :)

      I can't claim to have anticipated Dane's fear either. Honestly, and I think you know this about this particular story by now, I sit down to write with a general idea (which they usually follow) but the characters SO often take me down a different path. I just follow, listen, and write furiously. Then I read it over a bit later to make sure it sounds like what would've happened. Sometimes I erase, but mostly I let them tell the story. Hence the 200k! Dane's a real deep thinker, and a bit of a worrier at that. It felt right that his head would go there.
      xo

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  4. The scene was wonderful. It played so quiet and serene and loving. How long would you say it lasted? It addressed Marcus' need to take care of and Dane's need feel loved so unbelievably well. The shift for D/s to Marcus/Dane was seamless. The touch of humor at the end... It just seemed so them.

    Then you just turn everyone on their heads. At first I was "WHAT!" and then I realized how much you had me in Marcus headspace. From a logical place of course he couldn't still have feelings for him. But Dane isn't in that logical place. He is lost in his memory of this man. Perfect. I suspect the reality will put to rest much of the memory. Thanks for some great storytelling.

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    1. Ahhh, yes to the serenity and loving. I'm going to estimate maybe it took Marcus 30-45 minutes to tie the ropes. Untying would be quicker, maybe an hour all told?

      I love your observation about being blindsided by Dane's worries because you're so deeply entrenched in Marcus's POV. He doesn't always see everything coming, for sure. I really appreciate that observation. Thank you so much for your beautiful, thoughtful comments!

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    2. Ok I confess, I've been re-reading this. When I started to receive notifications that Packy was leaving reviews I popped over for one chapter and then ended up starting at the beginning.

      I was immersed into this chapter when the song "To Make You Feel My Love" came on. It was so, so perfect I had to comment again. The song pretty much describes their relationship.

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    3. Your devotion to the story warms me. I could not be more pleased that you're enjoying them anew. I have to admit, I've been rereading with Packy and Jodie as well, and I find myself getting lost in my own story. These two were such a delight for me to write. Thank you for your love for them and the story. <3

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  5. A chapter of two parts, the first part blissful and I too wondered how long the rope scene took. I can totally understand the feeling of being wrapped up in someone's love with the silk and also how you might need a cover after. That was very thought provoking. Of course, the best cover of all is being covered head to toe by Marcus.

    And then part two, I expected a reaction from Dane, especially as he has had all day to stew but not that reaction, although thinking about it more I can understand it. It is natural for Dane to wonder how he will feel when he sees Wayne again, their relationship was certainly intense and they say there is a fine line between love and hate. Personally I think seeing him again will reinforce his love and gratefulness for Marcus. I believe it will be positive for them. I can't wait now.

    Thank you

    Jarvis
    xx

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    1. "Of course, the best cover of all is being covered head to toe by Marcus"...AGREED!

      I'm curious what reaction you thought Dane might have had. I think maybe most people would've gone where he went but very few would've been honest enough to even admit it to themselves, let alone the other person. Leave it to Dane to go there. He doesn't even have a choice. Honesty is his oxygen. I love your thoughtful remarks and can't wait to see your reaction to the upcoming chapters! :)
      xx

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  6. Oh dear! I didn't think dane was going to go THERE! Like Marcus, I hadn't even considered the possibility that dane might just feel something for the man who abused him, I don't know, maybe out of habit or just a purely emotionally automatic response. You threw me for a loop on that one. I think Marcus handled that well.....as to the first part of the chapter? Just beautiful!!

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    1. Thank you, sweet Judy. It's lovely to be able to surprise a faithful reader who has put so much thought into each chapter and your beautiful reviews. Thank you.xx

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  7. eeek! oh dane, surely you can't still have feelings for that ass? Dane was a different person when he was with Wayne, and I wonder if he fears that all the progress he's made will be wiped the moment he sees him. As ever, Dane continues to keep Marcus on his toes. Makes me even MORE curious now as to Dane's response when the whole scene with teaching that horrible man a lesson unfolds. Loved the moment they shared as Dom and sub, the way Dane sank into oblivion - gah - how wonderful to feel that sensation? Can I have a Marcus of my own, please? Then the reading - oh could these two be any more gorgeous together? I loved it!

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    1. Ah...YES! Dane has changed so much, who will Wayne even be to him now? I'd love to stop right here and ask each of you to write the de-domming scene. It would be very cool to see how you see the characters responding and behaving! I love that you see them as gorgeous together. I have to admit, that's exactly how I experience them as a couple. Some couples just bring out the absolute best in each other, and they are such a pleasant place for me to rest my brain. :) I really appreciate your comments, observations, predictions, and curiosity, Lisa. Thank you!
      xo

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  8. I am really thinking that Marcus did that Masters hug with the ropes so that when he goes to "the thing" if he starts to feel nervous or scared or doubt that he can fall back to what he felt during that scene. Genius on Marcus' part if that is what he was thinking when he did that. It was very sensual. Then of course it was amusing, and then so very sweet. You really gave me the gamut of emotions this chapter. Dane...I know what you are thinking, I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how very little feeling you have for Wayne. Except maybe disgust.
    Good Job m'dear. Vicki xoxo

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    1. YES, absolutely. Or anytime Dane is feeling less than secure. He has this to fall back on, a tangible sensation of his Master's protectiveness and affection. Ah...thou art wise in the ways of a young man's heart. xoxox

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  9. THIS!! So much This!!
    The scene was stunning! <3
    After reading the whole chapter, I see why Marcus picked that scene to calm his boy. Not only in that moment, but to also give his boy a memory to go back to relax and remember his Master is there with him always holding him close.

    And this.....“Okay,” he says, and I can see the Dane grin spreading across his face, “whoever you are, would you please fuck me already?”
    LOL. I freaking love Dane!!!

    And THIS.... What a beautiful selection, Dane. Transcends time and space . . . just lovely. For the record, if I have my way, you may never lose me"
    My heart!!

    And why do you have to freak me out!!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!! Poor Dane and Marcus! If I'm freaking, then....LOL

    BUT, I trust you and HELL TO THE YES I'M WITH YOU. LETS GET THIS BASTARD!

    Xoxoxo❤️❤️❤️

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    1. Aww, Pates. You gave me goose bumps! Thank you for your kind words about their scene. Yes, it's for now and for later...whenever Dane needs to feel that swaddled feeling, he can conjure this.

      You're freaked out now? Oooh, let's talk about you read 88! :)
      MWAH!
      xoxoxo

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  10. This chapter... oh this chapter! Cwidt... heh

    Perfect mix of sweet, sexy and anxiety. Very good scene by the two. Such a true representation of their relationship; being bound to each other, physically, mentally and emotionally for the benefits of raw and rosy dominance, submission and pleasure, without the doubts that each other will be loved and cared for.

    So oh yeah... there's the anxiety I kept mentioning all these chapters. Gah Dane... I was expecting a certain level of worry, but not this. As always Born, you create total elements of your story that we don't really see coming. I guess this could be an issue as much as any, but there's very little doubt in my mind that it will break them. Of course I didn't expect this to be easy on Dane. Especially having to watch his Master in scene with that asshole. Even though it won't be anywhere near as intimate and as personal as the scening they share together as M/s. But still it would be hard for me to watch. Its would also be hard for Marcus. I can't imagine the pent up anger and rage he would have to try to suppress to make sure he keep his mind on the target, which is avenging Dane, without possibly bringing anymore hurt and pain to his boy.

    The feelings thing? Not so worried about that. Dane is a worrier. He's anxious about not knowing thr many which ways the situation can pan out. But as Marcus so rightly reminded him, he may not know where it'll go or how they'll both feel as the evening goes, but they both have to trust that they will deal with whatever comes... together. Not only as Master and submissive but as Marcus and Dane.

    Thank you for this. Wouldn't be such a monumental, delicate event without some hiccups.

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    1. Packy, I so appreciate your thoughtful comments and the way you allow and respect the depth of their emotions throughout this story. Each and every chapter was a revelation to me. You think you were surprised!! These two were so rewarding and gripping for me while I was working on the story, and I can't tell you how delighted I am you feel that way reading it. MWAH!
      xx

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