Thursday, December 17, 2015



Eleazar greets each man with a handshake by the door. “Welcome, welcome. Help yourself to coffee and fill out a name tag if you so choose.” As the men filter over to the chairs, I try to pick out which two had been Wayne’s boys. They’d be slight like me; he liked his boys lean. Defenseless.
About half of the men arrive in pairs, and while I can’t be sure, it seems that the singles are submissives. Makes sense, a sub is more likely to be on the receiving end of abuse or seek out support at a place like the center. The ego of your garden-variety dom is not going to lead him to ask for help. Master’s—and now my—friend Edward is the rare exception, a die-hard straight dom who surrendered himself solely for the sake of learning. As Master is fond of reminding me, Edward is by no means typical.
Standing next to Master, I’m treated to two earfuls of fawning admirers, doms and subs alike, who wait their turn to pay homage to the great Marcus Andrews. Master bristles when one of the men calls him a personal hero, and as soon as the man leaves, I lean over and taunt him.
“You are a hero; deal with it.” That might cost me later, but it’s worth it to see him blush.
Highly skilled in interpersonal dynamics, Master greets only those who approach him; the rest are free to navigate the room without any encroachment upon their personal space. One young man takes his seat a few chairs to our right and fixes his stare on the floor. My heart twists for him. It was not so long ago I felt unworthy of making eye contact with anyone. How very fortunate for me Master chose to look past my deficiencies, meet me exactly where I was in that moment, and, ultimately, shepherd me to my joy.
Echoes of our earlier conversation float through my head. “I am a far better master now than I have ever been with anyone else.”  It couldn’t have been easy on him, waiting for me to come around. A less patient man would’ve given up on me after my first email, but not my Master. He drew me out of my shell at a snail’s pace, celebrating my most miniscule steps forward—holding his hand, dancing for him, tolerating my own touch and then Master’s hands on my skin. Not once did he make me feel I wasn’t enough.
I’ll be in hot water later if he catches me beaming at him like this, but I honestly can’t help it. Master is in his element; he might as well have a whip in his hand the way he commands the room simply by standing in it.
“Okay, everyone.” Eleazar stands in the center of the circle of chairs and claps his hands. “Please take your seats so we can get started.”
Master and I sit down side by side, and the more daring invited guests fill in right next to us. The boy I picked out as another of Wayne's victims chooses a spot several seats to Master's right, out of direct view and a challenge for the peripheral. His ostrich tactic is familiar to me.

Eleazar takes his place on the other side of the circle. Master’s main responsibility will be my well-being; the other participants will be in Eleazar’s capable hands.
“Quick reminder of our usual ground rules: What is said here stays here. This is a no-judgment zone. Listen without interrupting. Be respectful and sensitive to others. At this time, I’d like to turn the program over to our workshop leaders, Marcus Andrews and Dane Carmichael. Gentlemen?”
Master takes the floor, his tone confident but approachable. “Hello, everyone. Dane and I are so happy you’re here this morning to learn from us and from each other about what constitutes a healthy BDSM relationship. As some of you may know, I am a sexual dominant . . .”
Master’s voice has the same effect on me as the shibari bindings I’ve become addicted to. He’s now bound me enough times that the mere touch of his rope brings an instant calm to my system. I get lost in the intricate artistry as Master’s fingers work the silk rope around my torso, so much care and love pouring into each and every knot. Master didn’t bring his duffel bag tonight, but maybe one of our future workshops . . .
“Hmm? Yes?”
A nervous titter goes around the room. Uh-oh. Master tilts his head and smirks at me. “I was telling our friends here how fully attentive my submissive is at all times.”
“Yes, true,” I answer him directly, then turn to the circle of expectant faces. “Except when I drift off toward subspace.”
Master reaches for my hand and draws it across his thigh. “Ahh, and this would be an excellent time for me to point out that it is the dominant’s responsibility to pay attention to his submissive and watch for the glazed-over eyes or unresponsiveness that tells you he’s sinking.” Master squeezes my hand, lifting the blame off my shoulders as he so often does. “Although I’m not sure exactly how my introduction managed to accomplish that . . .” He trails off with a puzzled shake of his head.
A perfect example of the many enigmatic is-it-rhetorical questions I deal with on a daily basis as this man’s submissive. Should I or shouldn’t I respond? I have yet to be punished for sharing my thoughts with Master. He waits. I cave . . . as usual.
“It’s a certain quality in your voice,” I answer. “You could be reading me the clues of the Sunday crossword puzzle, and it wouldn’t matter.”
Master grants me a warm smile. “And here’s where the smart dom recognizes he has an extraordinary sub under his care.”
I dip my chin in unspoken gratitude for the compliment I didn’t exactly earn this morning. Focus.
Master continues, unfazed. “I thought Dane and I would open the conversation by telling you a little bit about our relationship, and then we’d be happy to entertain your questions.”
As Master recounts how we met, the audience hangs on his every word—all except the boy who still hasn’t lifted his gaze. I find myself staring, wondering if he is okay. He’s not wearing a name tag, no great surprise there. I’ve drifted and lost the thread of conversation again. Fortunately, Master does not require my assistance at this moment, or I’d find myself at a loss again—a misstep he does not deserve from me, especially with an audience. Do better.
Master glosses over the details of our thirty-day trial period, safeguarding the privacy of my journey from darkness to light. He highlights the checklist, safe words—his and mine, the after-care, communication, and the all-consuming process of monitoring my emotional and physical well-being. “Before we move on to the collaring, Dane, why don’t you jump in and add your perspective on our trial period?”
All heads, minus the one, turn to me. My pulse quickens. Master has left it to me. To spew or not to spew, that is the question.
I could follow his lead and give the view from a thousand feet. We could accomplish a great deal even if I cloak my struggle. And yet . . .
“This is your moment.”  Do I really want to leave this room with more regrets? Can I afford to pass up this opportunity to connect with even one of the men present, someone who might not believe recovery is possible if I don’t share my rock bottom? I’m ready to pay it forward.
I shift in my seat, angling my body closer to Master’s, drawing strength from the powerful thigh that pushes back when I press my leg against his. This simple gesture sends the message I’m not alone.
I clear my throat, not quite sure how to begin. I’m so much better with a script. Damn Eleazar for convincing me to speak from the heart.
“I don’t think you can understand my perspective on our relationship unless you know who I was before.”  Master squeezes my hand. “To put it bluntly, I was shattered when Master found me.”

Let the spew begin! I'm so pleased you are enjoying this little bubble amidst your holiday flurry and scurry. It's definitely a joyous place for me to rest my brain and heart.


  1. I too find Marcus' voice calming. A credit to your writing skill.

    I particularly liked "ostrich tactic". I appreciate not using the normal idiom of' burying his head int the sand, but created your own that would link the reader to the well known.

    Dane is having trouble staying in sync with Marcus because his empathic senses (kind of like spidey senses) are running in high gear. Totally in character.

    Thanks for sharing.

    1. I love your explanation of what is happening to Dane. I hadn't given it much conscious thought...I had simply "watched" how he behaved. Where Marcus is calm, cool, and in control, you're absolutely right- Dane can't hold onto the here and now for his concern about the other boys and his own overwhelming admiration for Marcus in a crowd. Imagine if we could've heard Dane's thoughts while he was bound in Aro's dungeon for the demonstration!

      Thank you for the lovely compliments on the writing. Much appreciated! :*

  2. Noticed the light flavor of A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens (1859):
    "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known."Book III, Chapter 15, The Footsteps Die Out For Ever.
    {Finally figured out how to comment without havin' to prove I'm human every damn time so I'm determined not to be left behind this time!}

    1. WELL now, how can I argue with being likened to Dickens! It was the best of times! :)
      Thanks, Rita. PS- does this mean you're starting with the outtake? LOL!

    2. Yup! I'm breechin' *gigglesnort!*

    3. You're a nut. Prepare to be SERIOUSLY spoiled starting with the next chapter!

  3. Are we getting daily updates, Born?? Loving seeing our boys on this journey. I'm a little nervous Marcus is gonna be somehow persuaded to Dom for someone else, another of Wayne's rejected souls and what repercussions that would have. BUT I'm confident whatever happens, you'll take care of them (Marcus and Dane) and us.

    1. DAILY updates?? HAHAHA nope. I can't give away all the candy at once. It's not a huge bag!
      Yes, I promise to take care of everyone. This story is about Dane, if that helps any! MWAH!

  4. Just excited to be along for the ride. And such a treat being allowed in Dane's head! Glad you couldn't leave them be just yet xo

    1. I think it was they who couldn't leave ME be! xoxoxo

  5. I love that Dane recognizes a kindred spirit in the man who sits without a name tag, with his head down. I love that these 2 men are opening up their relationship to those others, in possible need, in this workshop. It's so good to revisit them. Thanks for giving us this glimpse.

  6. Dane's so in tune with Marcus; just hearing his Master's voice, no matter what is being spoken, brings him to subspace. Such a deep connection. I'm so curious as to what will transpire for them if one of Evil Wayne's recent victims receives comfort and guidance from them. I'd hate to see Dane feel a lack of confidence after all he's been through already and what he's achieved through Marcus's love and protectiveness.
    Help us through this cliffhanger, b! Lol xo

    1. Well you've put your finger on it...but there's a twist here. Keep in mind the title, bb. That's your safety harness. This one is about DANE's healing...the last puzzle piece. XOXO

  7. These two men are doing a fine and wonderful thing, I hope they can get through to this poor man who is floundering.

  8. Isn't it amazing how Dane hones in on the one that is obviously in dire need of help and quite possibly been through similar experiences to him. If for no other reason he will reveal where he came from for this one man. I think that through helping others and helping to stop the rot that was Wayne, our Dane will find his inner peace too.

    1. Dane is such a sensitive soul! YES, I love that you see the significance of that one boy in the audience. For him, Dane will reach into his own darkest corners, and Marcus will be right there. You have absolutely nailed the theme of this outtake! MWAH!

  9. I didn't mention before but I do so love that you are tackling this from Dane's PoV. So comforting to here him tell his part of the story.

    It simultaneously warms and hurts my heart for that one guy who can't look up. Its like Dane is looking directly into a mirror of his own past. Seeing himself as he was. It aches, but is also a catalyst for healing. It will be interesting to see how his story is received, and the power it will have to impact the group. Also, I think getting this out will be just as much a testament to his healing as the other subs in need of reach.

    1. It's lovely to be inside Dane's mind. First of all, just like the final scene of BD, we get to see from Dane's own head exactly how much he loves, admires, respects, and joneses for Marcus! You nailed the feeling in the room when Dane first saw... that boy. You are also spot on about Dane's healing...hence the title. MWAH again!

  10. *takes a deep breath*
    Here we go. You can do it Dane! I'd adore how Marcus is letting Dane step up at this moment; letting Dane take the lead.

    1. :) I'm so pleased you saw that! Marcus is so great at giving Dane the limelight when the situation calls for it.