Wednesday, January 13, 2016



The soft hotel sheet slides and flutters along our skin as my head burrows into its favorite pre-poetry pillow—Master’s chest. His arm curls around my back, drawing me tight against his side. 
“I’m ready, Dane.” His low voice rumbles under my cheek.
“You can turn out the light, Master. I’ve memorized this one.”
Master tips us toward the lamp. “Showoff.” He’s doing his best curmudgeon impersonation, but I can hear his smile.
“I don’t really know the author, other than his screen name, Artkid.” We’ve branched out from the poetry books. Master wants to “stay relevant”—code for staying young. I fear he studies Urban Dictionary while I’m at work, but there’s no stopping the man once he sets his mind to something.
“This poem is called ‘A Whisper.’”
a  wave of emotion,
a steadily quickening thudding,
a tight coil of panic, squeezing,
squeezing the knots, tighter, tighter

a sharp intake,
a quick  huff,
light, dizzying, freeing,
hands clasp together
as if clutching onto a lifeline,
or trying to squeeze the last
droplet out of a wet towel,
tight enough to release
the darkness of the soul

breathe in,
this is how it is;
breathe out,
accept who you are;
slowly, heavy,
be proud of who you are.

And this is how the world begins,
not with an explosion,
but a whisper.

Master places a kiss on my head. “That was gorgeous. I’d like to think that’s how you feel inside my knots.”
“That is exactly how I feel. That’s why I chose it.”
“Do you think Artkid practices shibari?”
I trail my fingertips around Master’s nipple. “I definitely think this man has bondage in his life.”
The grip around me tightens. “Indeed,” Master says. “We should retweet the poem tomorrow, get him some more followers.”
“I’ll get right on that.” I drop a kiss on his right nipple for being so damn hip. “Good night, Master.”
“Good night, sweet boy.”
It’s only after Master’s chest rises and falls with deep sleep that I can replace his enormous presence in my headspace with the dilemma I need to sort out. This one is tough. It’s not as if head and heart offer opposite solutions; both are split. The pros and cons lists are both robust with intellectual and emotional imagery.
The strongest argument in favor of taking this plunge is the visual of Tyler healing, his shoulders squared and confident, his life filled with friends and fulfilling work, and an adequate layer of meat on his bones—and now I sound like Master! To be a significant part of that healing would be, frankly, the ultimate gratification for me. Any steps I can take to whittle away at my not-so-buried guilt are compelling, and I know this is one of the main reasons both Eleazar and Master are even considering this.
My mind wanders further, after-school-special style, producing a vision of Tyler and me, spilling out of one of New York’s many tacky souvenir shops, laughing over some silly thing we saw. Despite the shitty reason that brought us together, Tyler and I might well form a friendship that becomes a bright point in both of our lives. Right now, Tyler probably needs a new friend a lot more than I do, but I will never forget the way Sean offered me a lifeline, and I know Sean values our friendship as much as I do.
That randomized flutter in my belly kicks in again as I picture the three of us in Master’s dungeon. I cannot deny the thrill of imagining how Master might wield his awesome superpower of “sub whisperer” over Tyler. I can’t get a read on the scene itself, just a blurry video of one dom and two submissives, although Master’s earlier words— “the heady role of both being submissive and having your own submissive”—bang around in my head, creating their own special brand of chaos. I have never scened with another sub. The act requires a confidence in the Master-submissive relationship I’d never experienced up to this point. Does the idea of adding another willing body to Master’s vast arsenal titillate me? Hell yes, it does. More than once, Master has invented an invisible audience to spark my little exhibitionist fetish. Now he won’t have to. Shiver.
Alas, the threesome dungeon scene also sits at the very top of my cons list. Sharing. A concept that works fine for crayons or books or sweaters—not so much for the love of my life or my Master. I breathe in his scent and tickle my nose along the wiry hairs on his chest. Could I bear it if another man staked his claim here?
No, I don’t even have to think about that one. I know I couldn’t. But how could Tyler not fall for Master as I did?
And what of Master’s response? I know how he feels about me, and I appreciate the rarity of our perfect coupling on every level—physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. If I’m being rational, I don’t expect Master to be swooped up by true love again so easily, but I have to recognize, too, bringing another of Wayne’s victims back from the dead will prove to be a potent brew for a man like Master. Would he have given me a second look if I hadn’t been such a needy case?
How many times has Master marveled at how different I am from the other men who caught his fancy? I have only myself to thank that this boy, Tyler, might now, in fact, be Master’s type. I converted him myself! Master’s already admitted to being “stirred” by the boy. If the heart is stirred, how much of a leap can the rest of the body be?
Counterbalancing my new imagined friendship with Tyler is the clear possibility that Master and Tyler might become a twosome. Master wouldn’t have to work very hard to find a chunk of time for him every day; I’m gone for five hours, five days a week and an entire day every Sunday. That’s six dinners a week Master dines alone.
Those reasons alone should be enough to deter me from this insanity, but I haven’t even listed the biggest con of all—our little plan to help Tyler could backfire. Just because Master’s methods worked miracles for me doesn’t mean Tyler will be healed. Worse, we could actually exacerbate Tyler’s situation. That is an outcome I could never live with.
This is what happens when I process alone. Without Master to cut a clear path through the snarly forest, I’ve tangled my stomach into more knots than tonight’s poem. Master will not be pleased I’ve worked myself into a state.
I close my eyes and match my rhythm to the expansion and contraction of Master’s lungs. In, out. In, out . . . letting Master soothe my troubles away even as he sleeps.
I wake at 4:38, 5:22, and again, for good this time, at 6:52. Be still, I admonish my twitchy limbs, but they’re not going to behave until I have a chance for a decent stretch. If I can’t lie still, I can do the next best thing and hope Master deems the blowjob a good trade for the thirty-eight minutes of sleep I’m stealing from him.
I duck under the covers and slither down the length of Master’s torso until my face reaches his groin. Encouraged by Master’s impressive morning wood, I lick him slowly from base to tip. My own rod stiffens against the mattress. Waking Master this way is the very best way to start my day. I swallow him to the back of my throat. He can’t possibly still be asleep.
Sure enough, his hands find their way into my hair. His fingers are ten little rakes running along my scalp, absently twisting my hair in order to connect with the only part of me he can reach.
He clutches the back of my head with both hands and locks me in place. Master is close. I surrender my mouth and throat to his firm embrace while my fingers find all his favorite spots. Master thrusts in a pounding rhythm against my face. His grunts of pleasure are live wires triggering my own. His body tenses; he speeds and loses his rhythm; his hips fly off the bed to push deeper inside me. A quick gasp, a tight moan, an urgent, erratic burst. His seed spurts down my throat, and I swallow it greedily.
The vise of his hands loosens and his fingers return to their loving caresses. With my cheek resting against Master’s thigh, I lap tenderly along his semi-erect cock, grateful for the gift of his pleasure.
The sheet is pushed to my shoulders. Master cups my cheek and draws my gaze to his lazy smile. “Thank you, boy.”
“Good morning, Master.”
“You didn’t sleep well.” Concern dampens his bliss, dammit.
“Is this about Tyler?”
“Come up here, Dane.” He opens his arms and pulls me in for a hug. “Tell me something. Are you more excited or worried about the prospect?”
“Judging from the sad state of my stomach, I’d have to say worried.”
“Yeah, so am I.”
I pull back so I can read his expression. “You are?”
“Mmhmm, but I’ll let you in on a secret.”
“Why, Master! You have a secret?”
He chuckles. “The fact that you’re worried actually makes me feel better.”
“Yes, I see what you mean.” Had he been all gung-ho to change our dynamic, I might have concluded he wasn’t fully satisfied with me. Obviously, this isn’t the case on either end. “I feel better now, too.”
He studies my face. “That appears to be the tip of a very big iceberg.”
“There’s a lot to think about.”
“Yes, absolutely. And we are going to get all that thinking done before we scene today . . . if we scene today.”
“I’m sorry, Master.”
“For what?”
“For depriving you of dungeon time.”
“You’re not depriving me of anything. We’re setting aside time to talk about something of vital importance to our relationship. Besides,” he adds with a grin, “I just got a fantastic blowjob.”
And I’m stiff as a board.
Master gives me a playful tap on the cheek. “Oh, Dane, you know your Master will take care of you later—if you’re a good boy.”
Good boy equates to spilled guts. I’m not eager for the process, but I’m confident Master will lead us to the resolution. I’ll sleep better tonight.
“Let’s get cleaned up and go down to the lobby for a nice, long breakfast. The hotel’s quiet, and if things get too charged, we can come back up here.”
“Whatever you say, Master.” I glide out of bed and head toward the bathroom.
“Aw, c’mon, Dane. You can’t do any better than that?”
My heart isn’t really in it, but Master seems playful today despite the heavy agenda. I turn a cartwheel, and he applauds. I think he just wanted to watch my morning wood spin a three-sixty for him.

Poor Dane IS in a state! Pros and cons dancing in his head... at least Master is conflicted, too. 

I want to take a moment here to thank Chayasara for her careful attention to detail and the behind-the-scenes encouragement that helps me move forward ...and sometimes backward, but in a good way. And my wild and crazy Jayme, whose plot ideas are ALWAYS surprising and many of which have driven the story in ways both large and small. Her live reviews of each chapter are like pom poms tickling my armpits, but also in a good way. *wink*

And to all dozen or so (!) of you who read and take the time to write me love notes, I really appreciate your thoughtful comments on each chapter. Thanks so much, ladies! XXX ~BOH


  1. I think we've all been in Dane's shoes and it sucks. That worried, sick feeling in your tummy that has you so twisted it would be a relief to just have someone else make the decision. Alas, this is a decision for BOTH of them and it sounds as though they'll work their mutual magic to come to a reasonable answer.

    I love these two. *long drawn out sigh* A lot.

    I really don't think Dane has anything to worry about regarding Marcus falling in love with Tyler. His heart is taken and just because Dane and Tyler come from similar circumstances don't mean they are even remotely the same kind of person...they only LOOK similar.

    Brilliant chapter, my dear. *smooches your face*

    Favorite line (not including the poem, which was wonderful!)...Master wants to “stay relevant”—code for staying young. I fear he studies Urban Dictionary while I’m at work, but there’s no stopping the man once he sets his mind to something.

    I'm not sure Marcus could be any cuter *giggles and gets all gooey*, damn it!


    1. INTERESTING! The one time Marcus really could have relieved Dane's worries by assuming responsibility for the decision, Marcus can't do that. Nor can Dane choose for Marcus. I love that you pointed that out! OH...hold that thought on Marcus falling for Tyler! It''re so close! :) AWWWW thank you so much, V. Truly.

  2. ahh so realistic to have such well-formed visions (good and bad) come to Dane just as he's trying to get to sleep. Isn't that how it always goes? I have faith in these two to talk it out and whatever they decide, to help Tyler in some way. That being said, I kinda have a feeling that they might be taking a slightly more active role in helping Tyler ;) ... because let's be honest I can't think of much that could come between Marcus and Dane, even boys who look similar to Dane. I am very curious to see what Tyler's personality is like though- will he and Dane even get along?? he and Marcus??

    1. These are exactly the kinds of questions I asked myself while writing. I'd love for you to form a thought or two before reading on and see who YOU would have made Tyler! Isn't this FUN?

  3. We're all assumin' Tyler's gonna be up for this...Dane might be gettin' all "knotted" up for nothin'!
    ps: have you seen the way fka twigs was Shibari tied and suspended in her video of "Pendulum?" Beautifully done! {Not a huge fan of the voice and lyrics but visually hugely entertainin'!}

    1. I have seen the shibari of Twigs. Very beautifully erotic. That lucky gal! Not only does she get Rob but bondage too! LOL and kind of knotty of you to make a pun! Yes, what IS Tyler up for anyway? Does he even know?

  4. Aww Dane, you poor conflicted boy - I just wanna squeeze you! As ever, Marcus gives him assurances that he's not alone (they both do this for one another which I love) but there is a lot to think about, cartwheels notwithstanding. I'll be interested to see how their conversation pans out.

    1. YES, so much to think about. And you're right that Dane's reassurances (and worries) mean as much to Marcus. Luckily, they're fact, they're not-shut-uppers! So you and they should come by all the answers that can be come by without actually experiencing the THING!
      MWAH! xoxox

  5. Thank you for the lovely comments. Surely you know by now how much I love working with your writing and, of course, you! ("Working," by the way, is a misnomer because it's an absolute pleasure.)
    As I've mentioned in my editing comments, I am duly impressed by your command of psychological insight with the thoughts and actions of these two. Character motivation is such an integral part of any story, and you've mastered (no pun intended) that component with your grasp of human behavior, whether it's Marcus meting out punishment or Dane struggling with a difficult issue.
    What artists do with colors, you do with words. You transports us from our mundane world into a universe we will probably never know but where we feel perfectly comfortable. Your characters become so real, more than one of us has shed tears for them——or laughed and giggled over their antics. Your command of dialogue sets you apart from so many other authors, too. Words reflect personalities, and your characters reveal themselves through your deft command of the language.
    I will be saddened when this story ends, as I am when any of your stories conclude, but I can take heart in the thought that your writing muse will not leave you alone for too long. Love you, B. cs

    1. WELL MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS! I always forget this is you and step right into the loveliness without preparation! You are way too good to me. I'm so, so lucky to have a wonderful friend and writing partner in you. Sigh... You do have the end, but then you get that extra chapter ten, so it's a little bonus before we leave them here...again. XOXOXOX

  6. I love this new wrinkle in their lives and relationship. Everything you write is a favorite! LLabellr

  7. Oh, poor Dane is so conflicted! But Marcus knows him so well, I have no doubt that Marcus will anticipate every feeling that Dane will have once Tyler is there. Marcus is awesome ( as is Dane...). Loving your story, b, as always. xo

    1. Awww thank you! And I'm so happy you love Marcus as much as Dane. One of the reasons I wanted to write this in DPOV was so you could see and feel Dane's feelings firsthand. We could only hear Dane's feelings through Marcus's interpretations in the first part of this saga. Thank you so much for your lovely compliments.

  8. Really love the line about the "tip of a very big iceberg". He is right, there is so much going on underneath for both of them. They are really going to be extra open and honest with each other if they go forward with this and I am glad to see them talk.

    1. You are so right...what lurks beneath the surface could sink a large luxury liner, and Marcus is the same way. Fortunately, these two thrive on honesty and openness.

  9. One of the things I love most about reading of the lives of couples in this lifestyle, even if it be fiction as I suspect elements, large and small, of truth are woven through it, is the complete honesty demanded, given freely, between partners. Your example, through this story, warms my heart in a way I've never known in real life and provides my rich fantasy life with more than ample fuel to stoke the fire. Thanks, dear. I love Dane and Marcus!

    1. That's really, really kind, Judy. Thank you so much.

  10. Of Course Dane is worried. I can only imagine he is putting Tyler in his own place and coming up with how Marcus rescued him. This leads me to what was wayne's type and what is Marcus'? I can't imagine they are that similar. Wayne's would have predicated on physical type and a certain trait that allowed him to break them down. Naivety, or trustfulness? Marcus' would seem to be an intelligence, humor, physical as well, but more as a reflection of how they take care of themselves. I'd be interested to know your thoughts on this. Ultimately I don't think that wayne and Marcus would overlap much in a Venn diagram...ok I can't believe I just used Venn diagram in a review. What a geek.

    1. Ah...Think back to when Marcus first met Dane. His first words? "You're not my type." I think you're absolutely right when it comes to what would hold Marcus's attention and interest long term and be worthy of his devotion, but don't forget he went for the ginger gym rat. He thought he had a body type, and then he met Dane. As for Wayne, yup, you nailed his type perfectly. LOL on the Venn diagram. The boys are going to hash this out over breakfast so I'll leave them to do the talking. XOXO

    2. When my college roommate suggested to my now husband that he ask me out, he told her "She's not my type". Thirty-three plus years, I still give him a hard time about it.

    3. I like to call that "character growth."
      And honestly, you know what they call people holding out for their type? SINGLE!
      Dude, love hits you over the head. It doesn't follow your rules or preconceived notions. You have to be open to the experience or it will pass you right by... So glad your hubby was smarter than that!

  11. *guffaws at that ending* Oh Marcus. If i had a fine as fuck, flexible ace of a sub in my life, id have him flipping, tumbling and trapezing everywhete too. *nods*

    Ahhhh my sweet Dane spewing all through the night. He did have some mighty fine worries, if I do say so myself. But as mighty Marcus, most intelligent pointed out, if they were able to accept this without any reservations at all, then that might be something bigger to worry about. Having these concerns, in my mind, will help them to prepare all the more better. And in turn they will go into this already with an idea of where things could go, how they could get, and how to manage the situation in a way that benefits all parties involved.

    Now yeah... let's talk a little, and hopefully we can clear our minds a bit and drag a good scene out of all the heavy.

    1. Lol on the trapezing. Yup. I'm glad you approve of his worries (cracking up here). I promise this is not a story that stays heavy.